Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Go Ahead and Cry

I have been wanting to write the rest of our story for quite some time now, but have not been able to bring myself to do it. I finally tried to sit down last night to write, but I just couldn't find the right words. Nothing seemed good enough. I don't know how to describe such heart ache and such joy all at the same time. I know I don't need to describe it because those of you who have lived it know, but I just couldn't find the words to do my girls justice, so I will try another time.

I did however what to share something I read. This is from Empty Cradle, Broken Heart which I know has been read by many of us, but I think this is a good reminder for us all:

"There is research showing that tears are a biologically necessary way of relieving stress-there is evidence that tears remove stress-induced toxins from the body. Holding back tears can induce stress, resulting in a variety of psychological and physical symptoms, including exacerbation of preexisting conditions ..."

So go ahead and cry...I know I have been. I just miss my girls so much and to think that they are not here with me breaks my heart every time.


  1. I agree. It feels good to cry.

  2. Oh hun...

    many hugs...and some tears too.

  3. Thanks for the reminder. I've just come back from four days at the beach with my family - four days of holding in tears. I can actually feel the physical effects of holding them in. Time to let them out.

  4. I hear ya! I wrote the night my boys were born and then I didn't pick up my pen again for five months... (very unlike me since I'm a journaler)- I found myself composing things in my head and I'd have a line that I liked and when I would get my journal out I would just sit there... stuck! (ugh) The words will come to you when you're ready- and I hope they'll flow with such ease- it is nice writing it down- remembering- I've read that book but it's been so long. Thanks for sharing!

  5. Hello sweet Tina,
    Excellent advice, and I thank you. Lord knows most of us have shed over a million tears in one day. I am glad to see you starting to write your story, but I understand the road block, as I am there too. I have not been able to write down delivery details yet, and its been almost 5 months. *sigh* Tears with you my dear friend. Love Nan xo

  6. Hi Tina,
    I wanted to let you know I moved my blog to butterflybaby15.blogspot.com. I had some IRL's reading that I didn't want reading anymore. Hugs.

  7. Oh Tina. Hugs.

    It is so difficult to write it down, I'm still not happy with any of the words that I have written about my girls. Not on my blog, not in G's memory book. Nothing that I can write will ever be good enough for them.

    I'm stalled as well. I've been wanting to do your 'happy' post for a few days, such a lovely idea. But at the moment, like you, I just need to cry. Sometimes everything that I will ever have to say seems to boil down to three words, I miss her.

    I'm so very sorry Tina. I know that I've said it before but I am so terribly sorry. Life can be so unfair and so very cruel. I wish that Sophia and Ellie were with you. And you know that we are all here to listen if you ever do want to write it all out. xoxo

  8. Hi Tina,
    We've both been Twin Baby Lost Mamas for about the same amount of time, and I too cannot find the words to complete my story. It is so hard to find the language to express feelings that are so intense. Thank-you for your post, Im going to pass that info on to my husband, who definately needs to let it out before he ex/implodes. Now I dont feel as bad for crying every day for more than 3 months...its helping I guess, even though it doesnt feel like it. I cant imagine feeling worse. Hang in there...

  9. It sure does. I always feel better after I cry.

    thank you for sharing this.


  10. I use to cry allot, then I went through years of not being able to cry at all. Now menopause has brought that back big time. I agree, crying does help.

  11. It feels good to cry, and I think it's healing. Your girls will always be with you, but the sadness will get better.

  12. Interesting. I've always felt that it "feels good," but nice to know it's not just me :)

  13. Tina,

    I found that writing our story was so hard and taxing to my heart. It was like I relived it all. I am glad I did write it but it took me around 2 weeks to feel remotely better.

    Cry as many tears as you have to. Tears are a release.

    My love to you friend x

    Carly x

  14. i haven't been able to write my birth story either. i've been meaning to for two months and all i've written about was the pregnancy. that's as far as i can go. i doesn't help that i can't remember much, which kills me, and that the people i've asked to write what they remember have not, except for one. nobody else wants to think about it and help me remember it, maybe it was too much to ask.
    i read that book too, and even though it was one of the books that helped me the most, i didn't remember that part about crying. i can't seem to retain much info in my head anymore, it's so muddy. so thanks for posting that. i need to stop holding them back all the time. i'll be crying with you...

  15. I love this post. Yes, it's hard for me to cry sometimes. I have to remind myself to do it. Thanks for sharing.

  16. Wow, I never knew tears could release toxins. This will help me remember never to try and keep them in! Thanks!

  17. I've reading Empty Cradle Broken Heart as well and have found it to be such a comfort know what i am feeling, thinking, doing is not "crazy". For me it's easy for me to put myself in numb mode and not feel and losing Mason has taught me to how to be comfortable being vulnerable because i've let myself feel and not hold it in. Praying for you.