Friday, August 28, 2009

The Secret Garden Meeting

The Secret Garden is a place that is only open for bereaved parents. It is our garden, our secret place to come to. A place to remember our children with those who understand us. It is a place to just be, without worry or fear of not being accepted.

If you created a bedroom for your baby tell us what it was like. Did you have it ready for them before they were born? If so how did you cope coming home to it without your baby? Did you pack it all away? What is your baby's room now? If you lost your baby after they had come home what is it like going into there room now? If you are trying to conceive again, or are pregnant again how do you feel about setting up another room before your baby is born?

We had decided where we would put our babies, but we never had the chance to get it ready for them. When we purchased our house it was a foreclosure. An addition had been started off of our bedroom, but was never completed. We finished it in November and it was to be my craft room. We found out I was pregnant at the end of December, then found out we were having twins in March. After realizing we were having two babies, we decided the craft room would be the perfect nursery!

I was so busy before having the girls, so we hadn't had a chance to get started on their room. Of course I had LOTS of ideas swirling around in my head, but non of the them were ever executed.

The room is still being used as my craft room and I love being in there. When I am working on a project (which brings me to my next post) I always think of my sweet Sophia & Ellie.

We are TTC again. I have mixed emotions about setting up a room for the next baby if we are so lucky to have another. I hate to not be prepared for ANYTHING, but at the same time I know how badly it will hurt me to have a room set up with no baby to put in it. I guess we will cross that bridge when it comes, but I can see myself setting it up because I tend to err on the side of optimism. I do not think I want to use my craft room for another child. I feel that it is Sophia's and Ellie's room. I almost feel like putting another baby in "their" room would be a betrayal of some sort. Again, I guess we will cross that bridge when it comes, if we are so fortunate.

I have things lying around the house that belong to my girls, and they are still in the exact place as when we lost them. I am unable to move them, to put them away. Sometimes I will look at these items, but I mostly just like knowing they are there. I guess because it makes them real to me. I even have a book about multiples I was reading, oh how I loved reading that book, and it is still in my car...I just can't take it out.


  1. Tina, Making precious jewlery; what a wonderful way to spend time thinking of your girls.

  2. I love the use of the room now- of the comfort and help to others- that came because of their lives-
    Thinking of you and hoping to hear of a new life growing safely inside of you soon!

  3. I agree with you. When your next child comes into the world, and I'm praying for that, I think he/she should be in another room. Your girls are surely in your craft room with you.
    Take care and God bless.

  4. That is wonderful that their room is where you can do your crafts. That must be a comforting place for you to be. Thank you for sharing.

  5. Itis really hard to give away things that were meant for your baby. We still have all of Akul's things. I have put them in closets and drawers. All I have to do is open a closet or a drawer and see them again. I did not get him a crib because I wanted him to sleep in a little cradle by my side for the first few months or till he fit into it. I never planned a separate room for him. I could not dream of putting him in separate room till he was atleast a year old.

  6. I know what you mean. When I think of having a new baby and giving Mackenzie's room to him/her it feels like I would be betraying Mackenzie. I really wouldn't have a choice though because we don't have any empty rooms in our house. Sometimes though, if I'm in the right state of mind, I try to think of it as if Mackenzie would want her brother or sister to have that room. It's still hard though.

  7. I think that you really prepare less and less with each child anyway, right? I mean the first one you go way overboard, then the next maybe not quite so and then after that, being ready is just a given. I'm not a great planner, though, so that might be just me. Anyway, I think you'll just do what is right for you and when it comes time, you'll do it. Love your jewelry, too.

  8. Hi Tina,
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I like reading answers to these questions but cannot seem to answer them myself yet. I wish I had another room we could use as a nursery for hopefully a future baby, and perserve our precious girls room, but it won't be possible. If we are blessed with an earhtly child, we will probably find a way to have the girls names and presence watching over us. Lots of love, xo Nan

  9. I definitely understand not wanting to put another baby in 'their' room. I think it's a good idea to keep it as a craft room to always remember them.

  10. praying for you in this new phase of TTC again...I love that you tend to "err on the side of optimism"....what a champ! I shall try and take a leaf out of your book :-)

  11. "Sometimes I will look at these items, but I mostly just like knowing they are there. I guess because it makes them real to me." Wow Tina. You said it. Sometimes I wish it weren't real though. I love your necklaces! I'm going to find you on etsy (BTW, LOOOOVE that site!) and get me a Q necklace from you! I envy your talent.

  12. i was going to share a room with Leila and co-sleep. i had just moved almost all of my stuff in, and then she died. i've only been back to that house twice, to pick up a few things, and i still haven't moved-it's been 15 weeks. all of Leila's things were packed into boxes by my best friend until i can gather the strength to go through them. i had gotten alot of hand-me-downs, and i came home from the hospital on the day i was supposed to have my baby shower so i don't have all the other things, but still, i don't want to give away what i have. i think i will keep a few things seperate for Leila, but i'd really like for her little sister or brother to have some of her things, i think it would be really special. so anyway, i don't know what it would be like to "give away" Leila's room to my next child, but her presence will be there, no matter what room my next baby is in.
    i have a baby mirror in my car that i refuse to take out. i think it will be in there forever.
    ps, lovely jewelry!

  13. I'm sorry for the loss of your beautiful Sophia and Ellie (lovely names) and for the plans for your craft room that didn't get realized. Your comment about tangible items making the girls real really struck me. I totally relate to that with our son George. (((hugs)))