Sunday, August 16, 2009

Back to Reality

Well, we are back from the beach and back to reality...laundry, cleaning house, going to birthday parties, more laundry, etc. Although I felt very melancholy while away, I still had a good time. I think the distractions and being out of my normal routine were good. I missed my girls terribly, but the break from my reality was much appreciated.

Here are a few things that happened while we were away:

I already wrote about the identical twin girl sighting...ugh!

One day we were shopping and out of the blue Emma said to me, "Mommy, I think every night Sophia & Ellie get down on their knees and pray that they can be down here with us." How sweet is that?? Every night we pray that our girls are well taken care of and that they come visit us in our dreams. But she thinks they pray to be here with our family; if only it were that easy...

We visited this little gallery that makes children's' handprint impressions from clay. We had both Brady's and Emma's handprints made when they were young and I wanted to have the same type of thing made for Sophia & Ellie. So we went back to this same gallery and talked to the owners Ross & Hedy. These are the sweetest, kindest, most compassionate "strangers" I have met in real life since losing my girls. I told them what I wanted and what it was for. Ross teared up and held my hands telling me that he is a parent too and understands how hard this must be for me. He said he can't quite understand because he has never lost a child, but he can only imagine. Hedy was just as sympathetic and was so quick to find a way to create my vision. We spent quite a bit of time talking to this wonderful couple and when we left I was very pleased with what we came up with. I can't wait to receive it!!! I will post pictures as soon as it comes.

I ran into someone I used to work with several years ago. She now lives in the town we were visiting and I bumped into her at the Farmer's Market. We chit-chatted for a few minutes and she asked me if we had had more children. Last time I saw her, we only had Brady. I told her we had Emma and we had just had twins in April, but lost them. This is the first person I have ran into that doesn't know our story and has asked about my children. This is the first time I have had that awkward feeling of what do I say. The moment was so brief to make the decision, but I guess I decided to tell her. She said how sorry she was and I must have gone on talking because I don't really remember where the conversation went after that. I feel like I need to contact her to explain, but I know she will ask others if she wants more information.

I tried to emulate Carly while on the beach. I wrote my girls' names in the sand and took some pictures. Lets just say I have a totally new appreciation for what she does! My photos look nothing like her beautiful pieces of art. I didn't think they would, but I had hoped for more. I might try it again next time we visit, but California beaches pale in comparison the the beautiful place where Carly photographs our sweet babies' names.

It is good to be home and back to the familiarity of my life, but we have plans to go again very soon. I just hope that next time all twins will stay at home!!!


  1. That is too adorable what your Emma said about your twin girls praying to come home!

  2. Tears when I read what your sweet petal said to you. I wish they were here for her to mother too.

    I hope you don't have too many twin sightings from now on Tina. I can't even imagine how that must make you feel.

    Thinking of you friend xxx

  3. What a lovely post. Adorable comment by your sweet Emma (she must think life in your family is pretty good, huh? :)) And what a blessing to meet the galary owners. It's so wonderful to be reminded that kind, compassionate people exist IRL too :)

  4. Welcome home, Tina. I'm glad you were able to enjoy such precious quality time with your family.

    I could tell that Emma would have been an awesome big sister to Sophia and Ellie. For a five year old, she's quite enlightening. =]

  5. What a sweet girl you have! I truly feel like God sends us little messages now and then from our children.

    I look forward to seeing the handprints. My family thinks of you and my mom just the other day reminded me of you and your comments when I said I felt as though all of a sudden I had doubled in size. It was just sheer exhaustion from our vacation to the beach, but she reminded me of your comments on not ignoring things.

    Wishing you a wonderful week.

  6. awww your emma sounds like such a doll! I too had someone come up to me the other day, someone i havent seen since losing jordan asking me how the baby was (although Its obvious im not pregnant anymore) but then again she was a younger little girl. I didnt know what to say, or what was appropriate to say, but all that could come out was "he died" then I had to run inside before losing it.

    and NOOO i dont mind you saying that haha

    the first thing my husband did was delete me and block me on myspace.
    while I still held onto his pictures, and him as long as I could.

    i figured it was time for me to erase him from my life, as easily as he erased me from his.

    and to think Im still having to live with this horrible person until I can get together enough money to go home


  7. What a sweet, sweet little girl you have. It remonds me that we Mommies who have lost so much aren't the only ones who lost something...
    Can't wait to see pix of the handprints.
    Sending hugs.

  8. I just want to say that Emma is such a sweet little girl. I love how children can make us see things in such beautiful positive ways. Just when we are in one of those moods they come and say the sweetest things.

  9. Aw what Emma said made me cry. How sweet.

    It must have been hard to run into your old work colleague. It is so difficult to know what to say, I always get so flustered and feel so awkward. I think you did the right thing to tell her about your girls. I usually don't remember the rest of the conversation after that question either.

    Hope that all the twins around your way don't cross your path for at least a little while. I find it difficult to see them too. xo

  10. welcome back! i can't wait to see what they did for your girls hands....

    i hope the twin sightings scale back to a minimum for you.


  11. Wow, I bet the handprint thing will be so beautiful!! Ross and Hedy sound so nice.

  12. very interested to see how the handprints turn out, that is a lovely idea! and Emma, what a doll she must be. so sweet. :)
    sorry that you had to run into your old colleague that didn't know. i loathe running into people that haven't heard. i always get a little panicky and have to quickly decide whether or not to lie. oh, i just hate it.
    i imagine now that twins seem to pop out of the woodwork. i can't imagine how rough that is on you. if i could divert all their paths to avoid you i would!

  13. Glad you had a nice time. I'm sure it's nice to get away. We all need that from time to time--anonymity is nice (for me, anyway). It gives you the chance to make your own choices if you want to or are able to tell people what happened to you. There are so many times I just wish I could live life without everyone knowing what happened. Because I think I get so many more of those "looks" than I probablay really do, just being paranoid and vulnerable.

    Will be checking for your handprints, too.

    here for you,

  14. All other twins will stay home but I am sure yours will go with you. You will be able to spot them in all your thoughts and all your actions.

  15. Just wanted to say hi, Tina. I am glad you were able to get away, even if the days were somewhat melancholy. I had a triplet sighting last weekend - an ad at Wachovia with two boys and a girl, and me with a big lump in my throat as I tried not to get teary in the bank. Sigh.
    Hugs to you and to sweet Emma. What a precious thing for her to say. Maybe our babes are praying together, the five of them... :)

  16. I always write Ella's name in the sand when we go to the beach. And, the one time I remembered to bring my camera with me, I forgot to put the battery in it. :) But, I agree Carly's pics are #1 and Cali beaches aren't half as beautiful as the ones in Australia.

    I can't wait to see what Ross and Hedy come up with for your babies. Glad you had a nice time at the beach.