Last week was a very sad week for me. Getting ready to start another school year while I should be home with my babies really got me down. Also, the unwanted changes in my employment status were very hard for me to cope with...None of this was in my "plan."
Today was the first day with the students. I have to say that I was SOOO busy getting ready for the day that I really didn't have time to think about much. I made it through the school day without tears. I ran into a couple parents and many students from last year and I got lots of hugs, but no one asked about the babies...Until recess. A little girl asked me if I had the twins. Without even thinking I answered that I had them, but they were born too early and died and now they are in Heaven. I think I had gone over this question so many times in my head that I was really prepared for it, well as prepared as one can be. There were some other girls around so more questions came: Were they boys or girls? When did you have them? Why did they die? What were their names? The little girl that first asked about my girls kept saying, "That is so sad." I just agreed with her and said, "Yes, it is very sad." Really though I think I did well and answered their questions with dignity and grace.
On a happier note, today was Emma's first day of kindergarten!!! She was so excited! She is going to the school I teach at and I absolutely loved seeing her throughout the day. It totally put a smile on my face every time I saw her. After school, her teacher told me that there is a girl named Ellie in their class. Emma told her that she has a sister named Ellie. Now when I heard this, the tears came to my eyes. I mentioned to her teacher that Sophia and Ellie and a very big part of Emma's life. She talks about them often and she always draws pictures of them and writes their names. I don't want her to be discouraged from doing this, and I know her teacher will accept Emma's sister for who and where they are.
I want to thank you all for the encouraging comments you left me about returning to work. I know so many of you have walked this path before me and I am comforted to hear your words. Today was better than I had expected. We will see what tomorrow brings; it will be 4 months since losing Sophia & Ellie. I am sure it will be another very busy day, but I know my girls will be on my mind.
I love you sweet girls!
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