Friday, July 31, 2009

The Secret garden Meeting ~ July

The Secret Garden Meeting, formerly known as Under the Tree, is a "place" for bereaved parents to come together and share our hearts with those who understand. Here are this months questions:

How do you see or imagine your baby/ies now that you do not have them with you?

This is a hard one for me...I pray every night that my girls will visit me in my dreams, but they have not made it yet. In my mind I imagine them as chubby little happy babies with curly hair like their sister, tan skin like their brother, and just perfect in every way. I also picture them toddling along when they are a little older, trying to walk, but not too steady on their feet yet...Oh how I wish I could be there to catch them.

Sophia is my calm child, she was always so easy going. Ellie is the more spirited twin, she spent many days kicking me in the ribs. I still see them this way, Sophia mellow and Ellie a little mischievous. I take comfort in the fact that they always have been and always will be together, they will never be alone and that makes me feel better in some sort of way. I think of them being in a very beautiful place, surrounded by love, holding hands, and smiling.

How did the loss of your last pregnancy affect your choices/decisions about the birth of your subsequent pregnancy?

I don't think my pregnancy with Sophia and Ellie will affect the birth of a subsequent pregnancy, but will more so affect the pregnancy itself. When/If I become pregnant again, more precautions will be taken to prevent pre-term labor, a possible cerclage and progesterone shots, but as for the actual birth, I don't think anything has changed.


  1. Tina,

    I too prayed that Christian would visit me in a dream. It took about 19 months, but it was worth the wait. I pray you receive sweet dreams of your girls soon.

    You are right they will never be alone :) x

  2. Its funny how twins personalities can be so diferent from each other and we can tell what they are. Elijah was mellow like Sophia and Jett was definantly the playfull mischievious one like Ellie. I also feel better about my boys being together. It makes me feel like they will always be there for each other when i cant be.
    I hope that they will come to visit you in many dreams soon. They are probably waiting for the perfect time.
    Take care

  3. I haven't had many dreams about Georgina but I cherish the few that I have had. I had a dream after she died that I was sitting under a huge tree, holding both my girls in my arms.

    Like you and Rikki, I felt that the girls had very different personalities even before they were born. I felt that I 'knew' them whilst I was pregnant.

    You are right, your girls always have been and always will be together. I hope that you dream about Sophia and Ellie soon. xx

  4. You paint a beautiful picture of your girls. I hope they visit you soon, and until then you have created a beautiful vision of them in your waking dreams. x

  5. I've had only 1 dream about Carleigh and I am thankful for it. I hope you can dream of your girls.

  6. I too long to dream of my son, if only to give me assurance that he is okay...

    You describe your girls so beautifully. Who knows, maybe they are playing in heaven with my little one!

  7. i feel so lucky now to dream about quinn regularly. thank you for pointing this out to me, so that i can be grateful.

    you'll get your dream, and it will be spectacular.


  8. Tina, What a wonderful thought! I do hope our girls are all playing happily together! Thank you so much for sharing! When I was pregnant I had very vivid dreams about Adison and Lillian, but after they were born it was more than six months before they visited me again. I hope that Sophia and Ellie visit you in your dreams soon.

  9. Hey Tina,
    Love your outlook, you are so positive and doing so well! I hope your girls come to visit your dreams soon, and when they do you will cherish it forever.
    I unfortunately have been a little negative lately so I am not sure I can do the "tag"' thing just yet, but I thank you for thinking of me and trying to prop me up! You are such a sweet soul. I am happy to know you :) Hugs, Nan

  10. Tina-
    I was the same with the dream thing- praying to see him one day- and I still hope he'll come to me- I was just thinking about this- funny that you wrote about it!

    Wishing you peace!

  11. Hello Tina,
    I could only imagine the challenging struggles of losing twins. However, I do think it may be of a great comfort to know that they have each other. I can see your little girls up in Heaven holding hands as they run around laughing in God's playground; what a beautiful imagery.

    I will keep you and your family in my prayers. God Bless!

    <3 Lianne

  12. I am right behind everyone else - longing for a dream. Before we found out Hudson's heart wasn't beating I had a dream I was nursing him. I would love to have a dream about him again...


  13. They are in a beautiful place! That is so comforting and you are right they are not alone! ((HUGS))

  14. I pray that you do get to have your dream with your little girls.

    I can see them now. They are holding hands and smiling together.

  15. Cool post - what beautiful thoughts!