This excerpt is from an e-Mail that I received from the March of Dimes Share Community. The title of the article is Getting Through Guilt and it is written by Liza Gene Cooper, LMSW Director, March of Dimes NICU Family Support. If you would like to read the whole article the link is below:
Guilt, as Grief First, and perhaps most important for all mothers to know, is that these painful, isolating feelings of guilt are normal. They are also incredibly common. It is one of the most acute (and unspoken) emotions of grief. Women may think “What did I do wrong to deserve this?” or focus on how they think they have disappointed their partners, families and themselves. When something goes contrary to what we expect – especially something we place so much importance on, like the birth of a child – we grieve. We grieve for what could have been, we grieve for what we have lost. And grief has a number of common feelings and stages including shock and denial; sorrow and depression; anger and rage; guilt and blame; and ultimately, for many – not closure, as it was once called (who can have “closure” on the loss of a child?), but instead integration or the weaving of a loss – the tenderness, the pain – into a person’s heart, into their very being, into how they live their lives and how they move forward. And so guilt comes as part of this powerful and very natural process.
When I first read this article the part highlighted in pink really made a difference for me. It states that I am not looking for closure, but a way to live my new life that includes my precious girls. I don't need to "move on" from grieving, instead I need to learn how to incorporate Sophia & Ellie into my existence. I don't know if any of you will get the same meaning out those words, but it has been something that has stuck with me since first reading it. And I like to think about my life without my girls in this way. I don't want to move on, I want to include them in all I do. They are a part of me and always will be.