I was watching a talk show the other day about motherhood. A woman on the show said the worst day of her life was the day she went down to the dealership to buy a minivan. She cried all the way there. What I would give to need that minivan.
The four of us went to lunch the other day and there was a girl there who was probably 19-20 and was pregnant. I couldn't stop looking at her, wondering why she gets her baby and I don't get mine. She probably felt her life was ruined when she found out she was pregnant and I was so excited to be adding to our family. It just seems so unfair. I wanted to go up to her and ask if she wanted to do a trade...I always try to remember that something, anything could still go wrong for these women, I sincerely hope not, I hope they never know my pain. But I no longer live with the naivety that everything will be alright.
On the fourth of July, I kept wondering what we would be doing if we hadn't lost Sophia and Ellie so soon. Would we have stayed home if I were still pregnant, would we have been visiting them in the NICU if they would have stayed with me for just a few more weeks? Oh how I wish I could go back and change things.
Hutch is out of town for work for a few days. This is the first time he has been away for any length of time since losing the girls. I am doing okay, but it was hard to see him go. He shouldn't have left, he should be home taking care of his very pregnant wife, or sitting with his daughters in the NICU. He should not be leaving, things should not be this way.
A Different Kind of Before and After
19 hours ago