Thank you all so much for the comments you left me regarding my last post. I truly appreciate all of your support and encouragement. Everyday I look forward to reading comments from you and reading your posts on your blogs. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
After reading your comments and reflecting, I have come to a few conclusions.
I love my girls more than life itself. I miss them as much now as I did the day I lost them. They will forever be a part of my life. I think about them and wonder how our lives would be different if they were here. I wonder what they would look like, act like, smell like.
All of this being said, it is okay for me to be happy and not to be as deeply sad as I was 3 months ago. I am still hurting and grieving for my loss. I will be for a very long time, but I can grieve and still be happy at times. One thing that makes me happy, is knowing that I have these 2 beautiful beings in my life, no longer in my Earthly world, but still in my life. I know I will still have good moments and bad moments, but it is okay if the good outweighs the bad.
Bree posted my girls' butterflies on her blog yesterday. This was such a beautiful surprise to me. When I saw them, a lot of emotions came to the surface and of course I cried. Thank you Bree! I also had a hair appointment yesterday (a much needed appointment I might add.) It was the first time I have been since losing the girls. At first my hair dresser didn't say anything, after several minutes she asked how I was doing. Again, I cried and we talked about my girls for a little bit.
The fact that I still feel so deeply for my girls speaks volumes to me. Knowing that I still cry when I talk about them or think about them lets me know I am still grieving. I think I was afraid that I was "over it" or had "moved on." I just needed some convincing that this wasn't the case. I know I will never be over it and I will never move on (just read my post on my feelings about this) but I think I was just worried that by not being so sad I maybe was doing these things. My mind plays some serious tricks with my heart sometimes.
I think the way I am grieving is healthy. This blog and my journal are my release and having all of your support and reading about all of your experiences is helping me to be a healthy, grieving mommy to my beautiful Sophia & Ellie. Thank you again to all of you!
A Different Kind of Before and After
19 hours ago