Today has been a particularly bad day for me. Today Emma had dress rehearsal for her dance recital which is Friday. When I first found out I was pregnant, I knew her recital would take place sometime in June and I also knew I would still be pregnant. I had even bought a dress that I planned to wear to the recital. Well, now things are so different than I planned, so different than they should be and it is so hard. As I sat there today I couldn't help but wonder if Sophia & Ellie would have danced together on that stage. If they would have curly hair like Emma's. Who would have stayed with them while I took Emma to rehearsal. All of these questions ran through my mind as I tried not to let the other moms see my tears.
I know this is probably the first of many things that will be different than I imagined. The next few months are going to be filled with difficult times. But I will survive. I will get through them. There will be lots of tears, but that is okay. I will be okay. I will never be the person I was before Sophia & Ellie, nor do I want to be. But I will be okay.
It's in his heart
15 hours ago