Well...it happened. There is this mother at school who is on the verge of obnoxious. She is the type to tell you her opinion, yet she doesn't know s*** about anything. I think it was my last day of work before having Sophia & Ellie and she stopped and talked to me and told me I needed to rub some type of oil on my skin to avoid the stretch marks...yada, yada, yada. So I have been avoiding this woman since school started because I just know she will have questions. Well, today it happened. I was walking to my classroom and from a distance she yelled, "How are your babies???" I knew it was coming, I just knew it. This was not really a question I had rehearsed in my mind. I thought for a split second, because well first of all it pisses me off that I even have to think about an answer. "Absolutely Wonderful!" should just pour out of my mouth, yet it can't. And because I really didn't know what to say. I replied, "They're not with us. I had them early and they didn't make it." Of course she apologized and I went on. Great way to start my morning huh?!
The past few days have been hard at work. My girls are always on my mind and the tears have been coming, but I have to stop and keep it all together because there are 21 second graders in the room staring at me. I hate that I can't cry when I need to or just walk outside to get a little fresh air. I am so resentful that I have to be there everyday. (I know you all are probably really tired of hearing that from me, I know my husband is!!!) However, I feel like this life experience has given my new found patience with my students. Really, does it matter that they aren't all on the right page right now, does it matter that they cut the paper the wrong way?? The answer is no, these minor things don't matter to me because there are other things that matter so much more than this, and you all know what, I mean who, they are.
Tomorrow is 5 months since seeing my beautiful babies. I can't believe I have lived this long without them. I miss them so much and just wonder what it would be like. What it would be like to have them here, both of them. I know what it is like to have a singleton, but wow...twins! I could hardly wait...I love chaos! By the way, have you ever noticed how often the word twins is spoken? I think I hear it nearly everyday, actually several times a day, in casual conversations, especially working with kids, on television, from my Emma. It hurts every time.
So, tomorrow I will be going to the cemetery to take my girls some flowers and visiting my sweet ones. Hutch's grandma went a couple weeks ago. I love this woman...she may be elderly, but she is very acute. She has a sixth sense about things. She has dreams regarding the sexes of babies in the family, and she is always right. In fact when we had Brady, we were told he was a girl, she dreamt he was a boy, and you know who was correct! Anyway, she told Hutch that when she was visiting Sophia's & Ellie's grave she could feel their presence, they were there. I know this sounds awful, but when she dies I want her to be with my babies. As bad as that sounds, I know I could tell her that and she would understand.
Happy five months little girls, happy five months! xoxoxo
It's in his heart
15 hours ago