Today is the day...September 4, 2009. My due date with my girls. It is also Labor Day weekend and the one thing I won't be doing is laboring. I know that I would not have gone to term with my girls. I know they would have been born long ago, but it still hurts. Knowing they are not here with me just hurts.
Hutch & I are going to the beach again for the weekend. This time without the kids. We thought about taking them, but decided against it. I just want to be able to be sad, to cry, to be angry and not have to worry about them seeing me fall apart. I try not to have complete meltdowns in front of them very often.
Although I wish we were going for very different reasons, I am looking forward to some time away. I have been so overwhelmed lately, and I think some down time will be good for my heart and soul. Now if I could just have some little fairies come and do the cleaning, laundry, and shopping while I am gone...
Dearest Sophia & Ellie,
Mommy loves you girls and will be thinking of you all weekend, just like always. I so wish you were here with us right now. I know you would both be such a wonderful addition to our family. We miss you and love you sweet ones.
xo,
Mommy
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I remember
3 days ago
I'll be thinking of you today. I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteSweetie, Sorry I didnt realize today was your due date, my brain is scattered. Im sorry your heart is heavy, and I am glad you are getting away for just you two to "be". If I lived close I would be that fairy god sister who would come and clean your house and do your laundry, whatever it took to make you feel better even for a little bit. I am going to the shore this weekend also, maybe I can write some names in the sand?? Sending you lots of hugs and I will be thinking of you. Love, Nan xo
ReplyDeleteThinking of you today. Even though most babies aren't born on their due date it's still a date that is set throughout the whole pregnancy and it becomes a day to look forward to. In loss it can be a difficult day. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and I hope that you can have an enjoyable weekend and relax a bit. If those fairies come, will you send them my way next? ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteI feel like October is quickly approaching and with it my due date. Thanksgiving weekend (Canadian Thanksgiving that is) is when we expected my little bean to make her grand debut. We had joked about my water breaking in the middle of turkey dinner and the whole family rushing to the hospital with Tim and I. I don't think I will ever enjoy Thanksgiving again.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you are getting away this weekend and you will have some time to grieve openly, without worrying about your little ones. I hope as the weekend passes you will find new peace. The title of "Labour Day" seems like added cruelty doesn't it? I will be thinking of you.
xo
Thinking of you, Sophia and Ellie and sending much love. xo
ReplyDeleteThere are so many firsts we all have to get through. I started a little diary called "Letters to Akul" on his due date. However, once I started blogging, I stopped writing in that diary. Try to nourish yourself this weekend mom. Love to your angel babies and earth babies and you.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you Tina. I feel odd and uncomfortable whenever I see Chase's "birthdate" because of what it means....he wasn't born as early as your girls but the fact that it wasn't on his due date is very significant in his not being with us. It's so complicated and something I will never forget. Hope you have a nice get away and tears shed in "peace".
ReplyDeletexxoo
Christy
Thinking of you Tina. Thinking of Sophia and Ellie on this day that might have been their birthday. I hope that you & Hutch have a peaceful day at the beach and can just be. xo
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. I remember this day so well. . . I went to the park and sat with their trees, and just spent hours writing to them. Even though they would have been born well before their due date, it still held significance. It seemed to officially mark the end of a season. For what it's worth, the passing of their due date was some what of a good thing. I felt as if I held my breath until then, just waiting for it. . . then - I finally exhaled.
ReplyDeleteWishing you peace and comfort this weekend.
Thinking of you, and all our girls. (I knew mine would come early too, but the signifcance of their official due date on Sunday is undeniabe.) Just "be" at the beach, do whatever you feel like doing, without having to take care of anyone else, which I'm sure doesnt't happen often. It seems like a perfect place to let go of some emotion and reflect. Wishing you peace this weekend. I think our girls are up above the clouds, sending us their love, and sensing ours.
ReplyDeleteDue dates are so hard. An official reminder of what you should have, but don't. I think it is wonderful that you are going to be able to get away for some quiet time. Praying for you on a day that should have been filled with joy instead of this sadness... Hugs :)
ReplyDeleteI know that not having the worry of having people see you come down hard as we all do will help. Giant hug.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you today and this weekend.
ReplyDeleteWe are going to the beach this weekend too! I hope you guys manage to have a good time despite missing your sweet babies. I know my Green Beans a good friends with Ellie and Sophia and they are taking care of each other.
Hugs,
Lauren
Hi Tina,
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by my blog. I'll be thinking of you this weekend, and hoping that you and Hutch are strengthend by the time away together, remembering your little girls. Sophia and Ellie are beautiful names.
Ruth
Just here remembering what should have been...
ReplyDeleteI remember how hard Ellie's due date was for us too.
I hope you and your husband can enjoy your time together at the beach remembering your sweet little girls.
DH & I went away alone for Ellie's first birthday - it was really wonderful for us to just be alone together.
Thinking of you, Sophia and Ellie.
ReplyDeleteWishing you peace.
xxx
Thinking of you and your girls today. Take this time to do whatever you need to. Be kind to yourself.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and hoping you find peace at the beach- I delivered my boys in September- and so feel that heavy feeling setting in... Andrew would be going to kindergarten... (sigh)
ReplyDeleteHugs-
L
Sending you my prayers. I hope this time away helps you more than you expected. xx
ReplyDeletethinking of you.. sending you big hugs..
ReplyDeletexxxxxxx
i hope it was a healing time Tina.
ReplyDeleteour date is rapidly approaching *shudder*, I can only imagine how hard that day was for you. Even though we rarely expect twins to make it to "that" date- it's still the one we aim for- we hope for ...so wish I could be the cleaning fairy for you- if only so many miles didn't exist between us! xx
Thinking of you and your precious girls today...
ReplyDeleteI am thinking of you at this time. I truly hope you find healing and hope.
ReplyDeleteHello, I found you on LFCA and saw that today was your sweet girls' due date. Hoping you can find peace and hope at a difficult time.
ReplyDelete