Wednesday, November 11, 2009

October's Secret Garden Meeting

If you haven't visited The Secret Garden Meeting before click on the button to the left and go see what other bereaved parents have to say. It is a great place of comfort and support.

Where are you at in your grief. Has it been years or just weeks since you lost your baby. How are you feeling. How do you hope you will feel in the future. Have you found any peace at all?

I am 6 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days out from losing Sophia & Ellie. I don't really know where I am in my grief. I think I am kind of numb right now. I am able to go through the motions of a day, but when I sit back and think of what I have lost, it just takes my breath away. I sometimes worry that I am avoiding dealing with my grief. I try not to avoid my feelings, but it is so hard for me sometimes.

I still miss my girls. It still hurts like hell. I have started to let my mind go back to that day. It is really hard, but bits and pieces at a time are much easier for me to process than the whole picture at once. I know I will always hurt and long for Sophia & Ellie. Nothing is ever going to change that.

I don't know how I hope to feel in the future. I can't imagine feeling whole again or like our family is complete. Something is ALWAYS going to be missing from my life, no matter how full it is. I do feel like I have found some peace with my loss. I am not completely at peace, but it is a start.


  1. It is so hard to go back to that day in your mind. Every time I go there it's like my whole day is affected. I know what you mean when you said you are blown away when you realize what you lost. All I can say is me too... My heart hurts so much for you. I don't ever think we will feel whole again, and to be honest, I don't want to feel whole again. That piece that is missing belongs to Jenna in the clouds, and for you those pieces of your heart belong to your precious Sophia and Ellie. Thank you for sharing your heart.


  2. Losing a child is something none of us imagined would happen to us. It really is a hard road to travel. Hugsssssss.

  3. *hugs* Tina. Such difficult questions to answer.

  4. Its such a hard thing that no one should have to think about of make a reality! ((hugs))

  5. Yeah, I think sitting and thinking about what is missing really does take your breath away. It's such a big and hard loss to face.