Sunday, October 25, 2009

How Can It Be...

that it has been six months since I have held you in my arms? How can it be that I have lived half a year without you both? How can it be that 183 days have passed and there is still a gaping hole in my heart?

I know that I will always live with a broken heart. It has become less jagged in the last six months but it still takes my breath away when I sit back and think of what I have lost. I miss my Sophia & Ellie so much. Especially as the holidays are approaching I find myself with a lot of apprehension for what should have been. I suppose that is all part of being a mother to babies who have left too soon.

Today we went to the girls grave. We took 2 little pumpkins, some fall flowers, and a Happy Halloween balloon that Emma picked out. Their grave looks very festive, but it hurts to know that they can't be with us during these celebrations.

Happy six months sweet ones. Mommy loves you and misses you both so very much. xoxo

30 comments:

  1. the halloween decorations are so cute.
    Happy 6 months beautiful girls
    xxx

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  2. Oh hon. Big hugs and I am so sorry for your hurting heart xxxxx

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  3. The decorations are beautiful. Especially the pumpkins.
    Your girls are so loved, I wish they were here to celebrate with you. xo

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  4. Those are beautiful decorations and the pumpkins make me want to halloween pumpkin my pumpkin!

    I'm sorry it is the way it is, Ellie and Sophia should be in your arms now.

    big hug to you
    lots of love
    Ines

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  5. Oh, Tina, six months. I found that time so very difficult. Sending you much love and grounding as you move through these days. XO

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  6. I'm so sorry for all your pain. I know how much your heart is breaking to be without your daughters. Your Halloween decorations for them are beautiful! (((HUGS)))

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  7. *hugs* I am praying for peace and healing during this time of pain and sorrow. I know your daughters are not physically with you, but let yourself feel their presence and you will know they are spiritually with you always.

    *huge hugs*

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  8. So sweet that you brought them pumpkins and flowers. My heart is breaking with you.

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  9. "Less Jagged" - good way to describe it for sure. Honey, Im thinking of you and your sweet babies always. You did a beautiful job with the flowers and the pumpkin and the balloon, hard to believe its 6 months...Im approaching 8 mos soon and its surreal. Love and hugs, Nan xo

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  10. **hugs**

    I am so sorry for your losses. Happy 6 months sweet babies.

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  11. Thinking of you - lots of hugs. Just beautiful.

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  12. *sigh* 6 months, 1/2 a year, 183 days...

    too long to live without them. their resting place looks festive and beautiful. i'll be thinking of you this week.

    xxMB

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  13. The decorations look cute. ((HUGS))

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  14. Oh Tina
    I often wonder how I am able to live and breathe and eat and even at times smile without my Akul. Hugsssssss.

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  15. I can hardly believe how quickly time flies too. Praying for your hurting heart.

    xo

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  16. missing your girls along with you today.

    T

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  17. Happy 6 months Sophia and Ellie....remembering you today and always. I love the little pumpkins for them. I bought a pumpkin for Carleigh but haven't wrote her name on it yet. I want to get that done today.

    Sending you love and hugs.

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  18. Thinking of you and your precious girls my dear friend. *hugs*

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  19. So sorry, Tina. The balloon and pumpkins are sweet. I'm sure they are smiling when they see them.
    hugs,
    Christy

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  20. My heart breaks for you and your girls. Happy 6 months, baby Sophia and baby Ellie. Thinking of you now and always.

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  21. I have been thinking of you Tina. I'm so sorry this has happened. I don't know how to get thru the days and to be honest, reaching the 6mnth mark scares me a little. I am struggling with just comign up to 3mths..

    sending you lots of love
    xxxxx

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  22. Six months. That is SOOO not a long time. I can imagine how raw and painful the loss of your daughters must be for you still. Hugs and wishing you peace.

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  23. When A first died, six months seemed incredibly long. I expected to feel better, to be functional. When it rolled around, it felt like it wasn't much time at all, just a blink. It was a hard monthaversary for me.

    The decorations are beautiful. As is what I can see of the stone.

    Thinking of you and your beautiful girls.

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  24. The pumpkins are lovely. Thinking of you and your girls. I'm so sorry. (((Hugs)))

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  25. I just wanted to let you know that I am very sorry for the loss of your twins. I lost my daughter Kaylee at 23 weeks pregnant from a cmv infection. It is truly the hardest thing that I have every gone through and believe me when I tell you that I went through some tough things. It has been 8 months since I lost Kaylee and while I still cry EVERYDAY I can tell you that it does get a smidge easier. I don't even know if easier is the right word, but I"m sure you know what i'm trying to say.

    I love that you brought pumpkins to your daughters grave. I had my daughter cremated and I put a tiny little pumpkin on the shelf next to her urn.

    Stay strong. We will all get through this together. ((hugs))

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  26. Hi Tina, I can't believe it's been 6 onths either (or will be on the 2nd for us, and was on the 10th, too). Your girls' grave loks so pretty, we did somthing similar, and somehow, I always feel beeter when I have brought them something. I know what you mean about feeling the empty spots where the should be during the celebrations this time of year. It's my son's 3rd birthday on Halloween, and we;re having a pirate party, and even though Im enjoying making it fun for him, I am constantly thinking how they won't be here, bundled up in little bunting costumes like peas in a pod, or bumblebees, or pumpkins, and they should be. I'm luck enought to live about 2 mi from the cemetary, so I am going to bring them favors, I think the telescopes, to help them watch their brother at his party. (sigh) Thinking of you and your girls, and sending hugs.

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  27. 6 months was hard for me, too, Tina. I so wish you didn't have such a huge hole in your heart but instead had two adorable little pumpkins in your arms tomorrow... and two high chairs at Thanksgiving and two babies sitting up by Christmas. Many, many hugs to you.

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  28. I teared up looking at your girls' gravesite. How sweet of you & your family to include them on Halloween..cause they are definitely looking over you.

    I lost mine at 24 weeks, and still have her ashes. I wish we would have buried her and had somewhere that I could visit her instead of scattering her ashes as we have planned but can't get ourselves to do.

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  29. So lovely. So breathtaking. I had to go back and read your story . . . every word.

    My thoughts are with you . . .

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