Last week was a very sad week for me. Getting ready to start another school year while I should be home with my babies really got me down. Also, the unwanted changes in my employment status were very hard for me to cope with...None of this was in my "plan."
Today was the first day with the students. I have to say that I was SOOO busy getting ready for the day that I really didn't have time to think about much. I made it through the school day without tears. I ran into a couple parents and many students from last year and I got lots of hugs, but no one asked about the babies...Until recess. A little girl asked me if I had the twins. Without even thinking I answered that I had them, but they were born too early and died and now they are in Heaven. I think I had gone over this question so many times in my head that I was really prepared for it, well as prepared as one can be. There were some other girls around so more questions came: Were they boys or girls? When did you have them? Why did they die? What were their names? The little girl that first asked about my girls kept saying, "That is so sad." I just agreed with her and said, "Yes, it is very sad." Really though I think I did well and answered their questions with dignity and grace.
On a happier note, today was Emma's first day of kindergarten!!! She was so excited! She is going to the school I teach at and I absolutely loved seeing her throughout the day. It totally put a smile on my face every time I saw her. After school, her teacher told me that there is a girl named Ellie in their class. Emma told her that she has a sister named Ellie. Now when I heard this, the tears came to my eyes. I mentioned to her teacher that Sophia and Ellie and a very big part of Emma's life. She talks about them often and she always draws pictures of them and writes their names. I don't want her to be discouraged from doing this, and I know her teacher will accept Emma's sister for who and where they are.
I want to thank you all for the encouraging comments you left me about returning to work. I know so many of you have walked this path before me and I am comforted to hear your words. Today was better than I had expected. We will see what tomorrow brings; it will be 4 months since losing Sophia & Ellie. I am sure it will be another very busy day, but I know my girls will be on my mind.
I love you sweet girls!
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I remember
3 days ago
I totally understand the "this wasn't part of the plan." I'm sorry. I remember telling my students about Ella. It was hard, but I'm always glad when I care share about her. I will be thinking of you and the girls tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteIt is amazing how children are not afraid to talk about things that adults won't mention. I can imagine all the little kids gathering around you to ask you such emotionally mature questions. The little girl who kept saying, "it is so sad" has it right. It really is so very very sad.
ReplyDeleteOh Tina. Dignity and grace is exactly the right description for how you spoke to the children about your girls.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that Emma feels such a strong connection to her sisters.
Thinking of you tomorrow and remembering Sophia and Ellie. xx
Thinking of you sweet friend, you did so good. You will make it, and we are here to help you, so lean on us as much as you need to. Prayers for you today and always. Hugs, Nan xxoo
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking of you today as I help LO get ready to go off to school. I am so sorry that things aren't quite how you want them/need them to be.
ReplyDeleteI know you have the grace to make it until the summer. I'm sure you're a great teacher..
Love Lindsay
I am so glad to hear that it went "well." You know, the new kind well that only is kinda well. I hate being back to work. There are FIVE ladies on maternity leave this fall at my school. They keep having babies, we keep getting the emails...
ReplyDeleteI'm so proud of you. It seems like you handled all of the kids' questions beautifully. My daughter's starting preschool soon, and it would be so awesome if I worked in her school (even though I'm not in the education field, hah). She's my only living child, and her being at school for a few hours a day is going to be a challenge for me to adjust to.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know you were a teacher too! I lost Quinn in February, right in the middle of the school year. Although the principal and social worker went in and talked to my little 3rd graders, it was crazy coming back to them without a belly. They were told NOT to ask me questions, but I encouraged the opposite. I wanted them to ask anything that was on their minds. And they did! I'm glad they did, because then they weren't 'afraid' of saying anything else to me, and the awkwardness that might come with it.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure this was difficult for you, but those kids are the sunshine on the dark days. I'm sure your school year will go well, it sounds like you are already off to a great start!
XX
MB
I'm really glad your first day went better than you expected. I hope the school year continues to be that way.
ReplyDeleteIt's so wonderful to hear kids talk about your/my/our babies. Kids just seem to get it.
My daughter is 4 1/2 - and talks about her sister in heaven all the time. I've mentioned it to all of her teachers because her "baby Ellie" (my daughter's name too) is always there with her as part of our family.
I am glad that school went better than expected. You baby girls will live on, and as hard as it is the kids are helping them live on. At least they acknowledge and ask questions about them, unlike the "adults" in this world who like to avoid and pretend things are great and wonderful. ((hugs)) Thinking of you
ReplyDeleteTina--I cried when I read your post. I don't know you, but I know your journey and I read your posts and I have no doubts that you are a wonderful teacher. I pictured you on teh playground with the kids coming up to you and in your words, "dignity & grace" are who you are. And you are because of your girls. May your mind keep busy this week. May your thoughts of your girls be short and sweet (so there are no tears!) and plentiful. Thinking of you....
ReplyDeleteChristy
Congratulations on making it through the day. It does take dignity and grace to make it through the tough ones, you should be proud, and all of your children are proud of you, too. I hope it will only get less and less difficult as each day passes. Isn't it interesting how sometimes children know better than adults? Perhaps it is their innocence, or naiveity, or honesty in their thoughts and feelings coming out in words.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear that the day wasn't so bad. Being busy doesn't let you mind wander. Kids are so innocent with their questions and really want to know. I'm sure your answers were graceful. I hope Emma's first day was great. I love it when kids talk about their siblings like that. Kyndra is too young but I hope one day she talks about Carleigh like that.
ReplyDeleteTina I am so glad the first day went so well! Dignity and Grace indeed! I am amazed at your strength! I hope day two goes as well!
ReplyDeleteYou handled things with *such* dignity and grace. Reading about the questions from your students, at first I cringed. . . but then wondered maybe it was nice to talk about them a little? I know I like follow up questions, when I can tell someone's really interested. Hope today goes just as well.
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ReplyDeleteI hope school is continuing to go well for you. I think it is a wonderful thing that you are able to talk to the children about it. I sometimes find it easier to talk to kids about difficult subjects because their is no judgement or awkwardness from them like there is with adults. Just curiosity and an innoncence. They have the belief that the world should be fair and good, and I find that comforting.
ReplyDeleteYay for the first day of kindergarten and having your daughter near to you! Kaia started first grade this week.
well i have to agree with everyone-dignity and grace? honey, you've got it. what a day it must have been, back to work And Emma's first day of kindergarten! i think i'd have been a nervous wreck, grace wouldn't have been anywhere around, lol. i'm 15 weeks out, and i am terrified to go back to work. i was planning on taking 6 months off. this was Not my plan either! *sigh* i think it's lovely that Emma talks so freely of her sisters, it's so touching.
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