Thursday, December 29, 2011

day 25…still!

Yeah, I know, I still haven’t chosen a winner…that’s the way it is when I have posted EVERYDAY for a month!  That is quite a challenge for me!  And now I don’t even want to come near the computer (unless it’s to get on pinterest!) 

Anyway, just wanted to remind you that I’ll be choosing a winner soon.  So get your comment in (please leave it in the post below) and remember if you like my fb page, leave a comment telling me so for an additional chance to win!

See you in a few!! xo

Sunday, December 25, 2011

day 25!!!

Merry Christmas!!!  I hope today is filled with peace and love for all of you.  I know we will all be missing our little ones who are not here with us.  For me, this year is different than the last two have been.  I think maybe I have grown to accept what has happened.  I have some peace in my life.  I have lots of love in my life too. I have found a way to incorporate my girls into my everyday existence. Of course I miss them and I can’t help but think of how crazy it would be with the two of them running around here.  I can almost see it sometimes, see what our family would look like.  I wish Sophia and Ellie were here celebrating with us, opening presents.  They would be having so much fun this year.  Instead, we will go to the cemetery tomorrow and take them some flowers and visit for a bit with our sweet girls.

Okay, for today’s giveaway we have TWO!!!  The first stop is with Shyla and Jakin’s mommy, Mattie, at Beauty Will Rise.  Mattie has 3 wonderful items she is giving away, plus she has a little something for everyone who enters!  Go on over and take a look!!! 

For our second and final stop on the giveaway train (ha ha!!) we are staying right here.  To enter to win a piece of jewelry from me, leave a comment.  Let me know how these giveaways have helped you, or something different you would like to see, or tell me how the season has been for you this year, how it’s different than previous years with out your little one(s).  I will leave the giveaway open for a few days…I need a break from posting!  But, really I know today may be a day where you are not reading blogs and I want you all to have a chance to enter and win.  So what will you win???  Well, I think I would like to work with the winner to make an extra special piece, maybe something new and interesting…maybe something old that is just right the way it is, so I guess the choice will be yours!  So leave a comment here and for a second chance to enter, like my face*book page and leave a comment telling me so.

And since I don’t have all of your addresses, here is my card to you:



Wishing you all the merriest of Christmases and know that I will be thinking of you and your little ones today and always. xo

Saturday, December 24, 2011

day 24…

Okay…We're a little late today, but I am sure all of you are sleeping in and/or finishing up your shipping right?! Anyway, today we are going to visit a very special mama, Ter, at With an Angel on My Shoulder. Ter is not only a baby loss mama, to little Tyla, but she has also lost her sweet husband. Go on over and leave her some love, and see the adorable item she is giving away today.

Tomorrow's it!!! The last day! Be sure to come check it out sometime during your busy day. xo

Friday, December 23, 2011

day 23!!!


Good morning!  Today we have TWO giveaways happening again!

The first is from Peyton’s mommy, Kristin, at Once a Mother.  She’s got a deliciously cute giveaway going on.  Go check it out!

Our second stop is with Hadley’s mama, Jessica, at Four Plus an Angel.  Go see what she is offering today…I’m pretty sure you’ll love it!

See you all tomorrow…oh and did I already mention that there are only 2 more days!!! xo

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

day 22!!!

Today we are going to visit one of my very dear friends that I have had the opportunity of spending some time with this year.  Ella’s mommy, Bree, at My Baby Butterfly Ella, has a beautiful giveaway going on.  The symbolism of it is perfect for us…go take a look and you will see.

The next giveaway for today is from Calypso’s mama, Melissa, at Scars in My Yarn.  Melissa is a wonderful artist and is giving away one of her own pieces!  Go on over and see it.

Also, if you didn’t hop over and see Raquel yesterday at Life After Jeremiah, you may want to.  She is giving away a GREAT book!

3 more posts to go!!!  Yay!!!


day 21!!!

We’re getting close!!!  Only 4 more days to go! 

Today we are going to see Jeremiah’s mommy, Raquel, at Life After Jeremiah.  Hop on over to her blog and see what’s going on.

See you tomorrow!


Monday, December 19, 2011

day 20!!!

Holy typo!!! For the record, that last post was typed in a mad rush, from my phone. I hate poor grammar and silly mistakes, I might just have to go fix them all!!

OMG!!! Only FIVE days left!!! Today Carleigh and Jordan’s mama, Holly, has NINE, yes 9 (and that’s NOT a typo) giveaways going on! Hop on over to Caring for Carleigh and see all the wonderful things she is offering. You’ll love it!

And if you haven't visited Still Life 365 to see Angie's beautiful giveaway yet, go on over and check it out too!

See you all tomorrow! I’m on the count down!! xo 19!!

Surprise...there are actuall two giveaways going in today!!! There is Shandrea's that I mentioned below (fabulous right?) and the second one is from Angie at Still Life 365. If you haven't visited this space before, go take a look. It is a beautiful place to share your grief through art, and for everyone it is different.

Now go enter both of these amazing giveaways!! See you tomorrow!!

day 19

Today we are going to go see Camron Xavien , and Tristen’s mama, Shandrea, at Loving My Angels.  She has an FABULOUS idea for a giveaway, so go take a look, I think you’ll love it too!!!

Sunday, December 18, 2011

day 18!!!

Good morning!  Today we are going to see Amelia’s mommy, Stephanie, at Beyond Words Designs.  Stephanie is a dear friend, AMAZING artist, and a wonderful mother

You can check out her beautiful paintings here.  Stephanie painted canvases of Gigi’s name for me and they are so amazing!  (I will get a picture up today.)  She was so great to work with, very patient with me and willing to try out something new.  Anyone who wins her giveaway will be so lucky!  Go on over and check it out, I promise you won’t be disappointed!!  xo     

Saturday, December 17, 2011


I have to write about this before I forget…

I have been working like crazy, trying to get all my orders completed and shipped in time for Christmas.  Gigi and I are the only ones home now, so she was in there “helping” me.  I was stamping an order and the name on one of the discs was Ellie.  So, of course that got me thinking of my little one.  While I was working on this, Gigi started saying, “Baby, baby!”  I asked her, “Baby? Where?”  She nodded, pointed up, and said it again.  This went on for a bit.  I asked her if she could say Sophie and she just looked at me.  I asked her if she could say Ellie and she nodded and tried to say it.  I have a bulletin board over my work table and on the board is a “family” picture of ALL of us, drawn by Emma.  Gigi then looked at that, said baby again, pointed up, kept saying baby, and then went on playing.

At first I just thought it was strange.  Then, when I realized I had just stamped Ellie’s name, I thought…could it really be Ellie?  Could Gigi see her big sister?  Maybe it’s just my mind reading too much into things.  I don’t know, but I think I’ll choose to believe it was my tiny girl paying us a visit. 

day 17!!!

I can’t believe there are only 8 days left!  There have been some fabulous giveaways going on and I hope you have been enjoying them and meeting some new wonderful people .

Today we have TWO more fabulous giveaways going on!!  The first is from Mikayla and Chase’s mommy, Melissa, at Chasing Our Rainbow.  Melissa is also the woman behind Mikayla’s Grace, where  they support families with a baby in the NICU and those who experience the death of an infant. Pretty wonderful right?  Go on over and visit her, she is giving away 3 lovely items and is also hosting a separate giveaway from the Mikayla’s Grace fb page.  Go check it all out!!

Our second giveaway today is from Dylan’s parents, Jus and Kat, at In Dylan’s Memory.  They too are giving away two special items today!  Go take a look!!

See you tomorrow, I promise, I’ll TRY to be on time! x0

Friday, December 16, 2011

Day 16

Sorry this is so late!!! Head on over and see Chase's mommy, Christy, at A Piece of the Pearsons. My sweet friend has an awesome giveaway going in! I LOVE it!! Go take a look and see what you think!

Ok, keeping fingers crossed this works...I'm posting from my phone! :/

Thursday, December 15, 2011

day 15!!!

Today, let’s go see Laken’s mommy, Melissa, at Laken’s Bears.  She is giving away a beautiful thing, so go check it out and see the wonderful things she does in honor of her sweet daughter.

See you all tomorrow! Ten days to go!!  xo

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

day 14!!!

Oh my goodness, 11 days till Christmas?!?!  I am no where near ready!  How about all of you?  Please tell me you are in this boat right along with me!  ;)

Today we have TWO giveaways going on again!!  Yeah!!!  The first one is from Gracie’s mama, Susan, at Our Lives Forever Changed.  Susan is such a sweet (and BUSY) lady, go on over and see her adorable giveaway!

Our second stop is with Drew’s and Albos’ mommy, Kate, at Spend Time in My Shoes.  She has two awesome items she’s giving away!  Go on over and check them out!

Good luck and I hope you are finding some peace during this difficult season!

See you tomorrow! xo

Monday, December 12, 2011

day 13!!!

For our thirteenth day of giveaways, go see Sydney’s mommy, Jaime, at Our Butterfly and Rainbow. Actually, don’t because I really want to win this one!!! Just kidding, (kind of) go take a peek and leave a comment, I promise…YOU WILL LOVE IT!!!

I keep forgetting to mention this: If you contacted me about hosting a giveaway and never heard from me, please let me know if you still want to do it. I have every day filled and don't need anyone else, but I can always find a spot for you if you want me to! There were a few people I couldn't find e-mail addresses for so I wasn’t able to contact you with any info, so if this applies to you, e-mail me!!

See you all tomorrow! xo

Sunday, December 11, 2011

day 12!!!!

Ahhh, day 12…almost. half. way. done! 

Today we are heading on over to see Kennedy’s super sweet mama, Alissa, at On KK’s Butterfly Wings.  She has a beautiful giveaway that you won’t want to miss out on.  So go tell her hello and throw your name in the hat!

See you back here tomorrow! xo

day 11!!!

I hope you’re enjoying the giveaways, I hope they give you a little something to look forward to each day, I hope that maybe a smile has been put on your face in the last 10 days because of them.

Today we are going to stroll on over and visit sweet Kael’s mommy, Brigette, at A Blessed Life.  She has a super sweet giveaway going on, so stop on by and leave her a comment and a little love.

See you tomorrow!  xo

Saturday, December 10, 2011

day 10!!!

Good morning!  It’s still early here on the west coast, so I’m really not that late today!

Luckily, today’s host has her s#*! together and got her post up yesterday!  Go take a look at Lucia’s mom, Angie, over at Still Life with Circles.  Angie is an amazing artist and writer.  She does so many things for our community and has a huge heart.  Go on over and see the great things she is giving away today!

See you tomorrow! xo

Friday, December 9, 2011

day 9!!!!

Day 9 already?!  We’re more than a third of the the way there, but who’s keeping track??  Oh yeah, I am!  This blogging everyday is hard work! ;)

Today we’re going to pop on over and visit  Jenna Belle’s mama, Fran, at Small Bird Studios.  Fran is such an awesome lady and has so many talents.  I know you’ll stay a while and see all the wonderful things she is involved in, like her card line with Carly, her beautiful collages,  blog designs, and much, much more.  Go on and take a look at the beautiful mess sweet Jenna left behind.

See you all tomorrow!!  Yay for FRIDAY!!  (insert woo woo with hands in the air here!)

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

day 8!!!!

Today we are going to go on over and visit Riley, Peyton and Cameron’s mom, Jessica, at Too Beautiful for Earth.  She will be choosing four lucky winners, so go give her some love and while you’re at it, check out her awesome etsy shop too!

Gigi’s screamin’…gotta go!  I’ll see you all back here tomorrow!  xo

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

day 7!!!!!!!

Today we’re going to stop by and see Lily’s mommy, Jen, over at Lily’s Mommy Forever.  Jen is giving away a beautiful gift, that I am positive you will love.  Go take a look and leave her a little love!  See you tomorrow! xo

day 6!!!!!!

Sorry I’m late today!  I fell asleep and forgot to post here last night!  BUt, Shealyn’s mama, Betty, is on the ball and already has her post up!  Go on over to Random Thoughts at 65mph and pay her a little visit.  She’s offering a very sweet giveaway that I know you’ll love!  Come back by tomorrow and see where to go, I’ll try to be on time!

Sunday, December 4, 2011

day 5!!!!!

I have been so, so busy!  We have had our tree for a week, and still haven’t had a chance to put ONE.SINGLE.THING. on it!!!  Life can just be so chaotic.  This morning my dear IRL friend “L” sent me a fb message.  If you’ve ever read about this special friend of mine, you might remember her special gift and connection to my girls.  Her message said that she felt she needed to tell me I am loved.  It was the perfect morning for me to hear these sweet words from my sweet girls, via my sweet friend.

Now for our fifth day!  Today we’re going to go see sweet George’s mama, Karen, at Busy Hands.  I love Karen’s idea for our comments and can’t wait to go back and read them all!

Hope you’re all having fun with the giveaways, I’ll see you back here tomorrow! xo

Saturday, December 3, 2011

day 4!!!!

Are you ready for day 4??? I am! We have two stops on the Giveaway Express today! (forgive the corniness, but it’s late and I need to come up with something else to say!! ;)

First stop is with Julia and Evan’s mom, Kara, at Random Musings and Evan’s Lil Evergreen. That’s one giveaway on two blogs! I first met Kara through my etsy shop and she is such a sweet, talented lady. Go see what she is offering!

The second stop is with River’s mama, Deanna, at Forever Our Angel. Go on over and see what this beautiful lady is giving away today too.

Good luck and I’ll see you tomorrow! xo

Friday, December 2, 2011

day 3!!!

The giveaways are off to a great start!

  Today, go see Florence’s mummy, Jeanette, over at Lazy Seamstress.  Jeanette is an amazing woman, who does some pretty amazing things.  Go see some of her projects and beautiful work.  Leave her a little love while you’re there and see what she is offering today…I CAN’T WAIT!!!

P.S.  I’m not sure why her blog is titled “Lazy” Seamstress, I am quite certain that Jeanette is anything but lazy!  I think she has some explaining to do! xo

day 2!!!

It’s day TWO!! First let me say a great big thank you to all who left such sweet comments yesterday. I had tears in my eyes many times reading your kind words. Knowing that this little thing I have organized is making a difference to so many of you is humbling. xo

Now, on to a winner!!! Using, the winner of the necklace is #36

that’s Kristin from Come What May and Love it

Congratulations Kristin, please contact me and we can make arrangements for your necklace!

And because I hate to leave the rest of you out, if you would like to make a purchase from my shop, use this code 25DAYS for 10% off your order. I'll leave this code up through the weekend, just in case!


Now for today’s giveaways…yes that’s right GIVEAWAYS!!!! Why not have two giveaways on day 2?!? So, our first stop is with Hope’s Mama over at Tuesday’s Hope. I am so happy to have this beautiful mother taking part in our giveaways this year. Stop on by and see what she is offering.

Our second destination is at Looking for Blue Sky. Nathan’s mommy, Trisha, is a mother to 5, SOON to be 6, lovely little ones. And to keep up with the TWOS today, she has 2 things she is giving away!

So go on over and visit these special mamas. And don’t forget to check back here to see where to go tomorrow!!!


I have something I’ve been dying to share! We started a new tradition in our house the season, an Advent Calendar. However, instead of having treats each day, there is an activity for each day. Some are good deeds, some are just family activities, some are just silliness, but I am love with the idea (not mine originally of course!) and of how they turned out.

I purchased this cute and colorful Advent box, still looking to see what else is our there, but this one works great!


I printed these activities on cardstock, punched them out using a 2.5” scallop punch. Punched out the same size of Christmas papers and then mounted the activities to it. Tonight we did the first one and the kids (even my big boy) thought it was pretty cool!


It would also be adorable to make some type of garland banner with these, or just to put them in a bucket or jar and pick one everyday!! So anyway, if you would like a copy of these activities, I would be more than happy to share them with you. I have no idea how to share the documents here, so if you want a copy emailed to you, please comment with your email address.

Thursday, December 1, 2011


This is just a quick post to let you know where to head for day 2 of the giveaways...we're going over seas for one of them today and I want to give you plenty of time to put your name in the hat. Go to Tuesday's Hope and see what she's offering, but hurry because she's on a different time zone than us Americans! We are also visiting Looking for Blue Sky today, so go see her too!

Check back at about 6:00 am PST for the full post, a winner, and a little printable freebie (kind of!)

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

25 days of giveaways…DAY 1!!!!!

I can't believe it it this time of year again! I can't believe this is the THIRD year of these giveaways! That is very exciting for me! It all started with a tiny idea in this mama's head; just a little something to help get a few of us through the first Christmas without our babies. It turned out to be so much bigger than I had imagined, and for that I am thankful. I am thankful for each and every one of you. Without the hosts and participants, none of this would happen, so, thank you, thank you, thank you! To me, these giveaways are a bit of joy that we can spread to one another as we honor and remember our beautiful babies, because without them, none of this would be. I am grateful for my girls, Sophia and Ellie, for many reasons, but one of them is for all the lovely people whom I have met here. Without all of you, I don't know where I would be.

Okay, enough with the sappy stuff...on to the giveaway!!!! If you read my last post, you saw a little hint about where today's giveaway would be...and it is RIGHT HERE!!

If you are new to my blog and story, you may not know that after I lost my girls I was inspired to create.  I began making hand stamped jewelry and haven’t stopped since!  It brings me peace and joy and I absolutely love it!  For today’s giveaway, I am offering a very special item from my etsy shop


I really adore this necklace.  I first made it for a very special boy’s mama.  If you are interested in reading more about this family, click here.  Make sure you have some tissue nearby though!  So, to enter this giveaway, leave a comment here and tell me if you plan on doing something to keep your baby extra close to your heart as you celebrate this Christmas Season.  I know they live in your hearts everyday, but I like to hear all the ways we include our little ones during special times like this.  Good luck and don’t forget to check back here tomorrow to see who the winner is and where the next giveaway is being held! xo

P.S.  If you are on face*book and want to like my page, you can see new designs and get coupon codes and sale info too!  You know, just in case you wanna!

25 days of giveaways

Tomorrow's the big day! The first giveaway!!!! Not sure I'm ready to post everyday for 25 days, but I can do it!!! Have you grabbed the button yet?? Check back here tomorrow and see where who the first host is (hint, you won't have to travel far!! :) See you all tomorrow!

P.S. If you messaged me about hosting a day, and you have not heard from me, please contact me asap so I can send you the info! Or if you didn't respond to my message, please do so, so I know you are on for your day! Thanks!!!

Sunday, November 27, 2011

the button is up!!!

The button is up and the code is ready for you to copy and paste onto your blog to help spread the word about the 25 Days of Giveaways! Only 4 more days till the first one!!!!! Eeeek!!! Just want to say a HUGE thank you to two lovely ladies, Angie and Fran , who helped me TREMENDOUSLY with the button! Thanks girls! xo

Friday, November 25, 2011

25 days of giveaways

Last Sunday, I sent an e-mail to all those who said they would like to host a day. I haven't heard from many of you, so check your junk mail and if you don't see it e-mail me at I just want to make sure everyone gets the info and know when their day is!

On another note, today is the 25th. That means 2 years and 7 months without my girls. I'm so thankful to have them in my life, even though it is not in the capacity I wish they were in it. It's amazing to me how my grief has changed. I remember in the early days reading posts by other mothers who were further out from their loss. I would think that time would never help to heal my brokeness. However, it has. My girls are in my thoughts constantly. I see their memory box and sketch many times throughout the day. Today I put up their little Christmas tree. They are a part of my everyday life, but I still wish they were physically here.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

25 days of giveaways

It's on!!!! Thank you so much to all of you who have agreed to participate. I will get an e-mail out with more info by next weekend. There were a couple people who had special requests and I will do everything I can to accomodate you. If there is anyone else who would still like to host a day, there is still room, we can always have 2 giveaways on one day!!! Thank you all, without you, this wouldn't be a success. xo

Thursday, November 10, 2011

25 days of giveaways

Ok! Twelve people have said they would like to participate in the giveaways, well I guess thirteen counting me! Anyone else out there interested?? Your item DOES NOT have to be handmade. It can be anything you choose. The giveaways are open to all baby loss parents. If your think you might be interests. Leave a comment here along with your email address. To those of you who commented on the last post, I will get more info out once I see if more people are interested. Thanks so much!!

Saturday, November 5, 2011

25 days of giveaway????

Oh goodness am I a bad blogger!! I have been so busy and really just haven't had much new to write. Today I realized it was November. Now I knew it was November, but just hadn't thought much about what I should be doing to get ready for December! It will be here so soon! So, I'm just wondering who might be interested in hosting a giveaway in December. They will start on the first and end the 25th, that is if we get enough participants. If you're interested, please leave a comment here and your email address. If you don't know about the giveaways but would like to find out what they are, go to my posts from last December and you will see what a great thing this has been for the baby loss community. Happy November everyone!! Only 50 days till Christmas! :/

Saturday, September 24, 2011

hall pass

I realized something tonight, something that I have NEVER given a thought to in the past 2 years and 5 months. I really am surprised at myself, kind of embarrassed too...

Hutch and I watched "Hall Pass" tonight (a pretty funny movie if you haven't seen it.) At the end, one of the characters, Fred, is at the hospital and on his way up to see his wife. I wondered what he was thinking at that moment. Then it hit me...

When I went into labor with Sophia and Ellie, Hutch was not home, he had left earlier that morning for a golf tournament. My mom took me to the hospital and I called Hutch and told him something was wrong and he needed to meet us there. He drove from the golf course to the hospital (probably a 30 minute drive under normal circumstances) and came up the elevator by himself. I wonder what he was thinking, how he was feeling. I am sure he was scared to see what he was walking into, although he knew it wasn't good. He got there just in time for both of our beautiful daughters to be born.

I can't believe I have never thought about how he was feeling on his way to us, what he was thinking, how he was coping with the possibilities of who knows what at that point. I usually think about other people's feelings, I try really hard to, but this has never entered my mind. I suppose I could ask him, but the time needs to be right. I guess I have been so wrapped up in my own grief and my own memories of that day that I never thought about what he was feeling before he got there. Maybe the fact that I am realizing this now means I am making progress. Or maybe this silly little movie we watched just triggered this for me. It's funny, the things that make me think of my little ones. But then again, they are always right there, in all my thoughts.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

a sweet conversation

We were standing in line, an elderly lady was behind us and talking to us about Gigi.

lady (to Emma): Are you her big sister?

Emma: Yes.

lady: Do you have any other brothers or sisters?

Emma: Yes, I have a brother and two other sisters.

me: a big smile and a very warm heart

That girl of mine is the sweetest!


Tomorrow is my EDD (2 years ago). I know Sophia & Ellie wouldn't have made it to their due date, but it still makes me sit here and wonder what my life would be like with 2 two year olds. I wish I knew.

Tomorrow is also the day I miscarried the first pregnancy after the twins. I can't imagine our lives without Gigi, but I still wonder who that little one was.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

i wonder

I've been thinking about this a lot lately...

Brady and Emma have very similar features. They both have brown hair, dark skin, beautiful hazel eyes, and they have always been at the top of the growth charts.

I always assumed the twins would have these same features. Then along came my sweet Gigi. She is the pip-squeak of the family. She is no where near the top of the growth charts, she has BLONDE hair, BLUE eyes, and as Hutch says, she is "pig-mentally challenged" meaning she is super pale!
So now I sit and wonder what color their eyes are, is their hair brown or blonde, are they olive complected or pale...I guess I'll never know during this lifetime...I wish I didn't have to wonder.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011


Today I will be attending a funeral for a baby who lived 5 days. A friend in real life who is living a pain I know all too well. I am so sorry for her, for her husband, and their living daughters. They are the sweetest people and don't deserve this; none of us do.

I'm not sure how I'm feeling. I think I'm okay, but it's bringing me right back to those early days two+ years ago when I was faced with the reality that my babies would not be coming home. The reality that I would have to plan their funeral, pick out their casket, tell my older children that their sisters died. I don't let myself go there very often, it is too dark, too raw, too painful. I choose to remember them in a beautiful way because they were beautiful, they are beautiful.

So today as I remember sweet Leanna with her family, Sophia & Ellie will be right there in my thoughts too, but really, they always are anyways.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

finally...a winner

Okay, so I'm late...that's the story of my life! I said I would try to choose a winner last week, but it just didn't happen. But you know what they say, better late than never!! So onto the winner...

I used to choose a commenter and the winner was Deni! And isn't she sweet, she wants to give it to someone else! Let me know your plans Deni!

I hope you all had a peaceful Mother's Day. Mine was...I don't know, I guess kind of weird. I did the usual things to celebrate and that was nice, but I just feel like I'm in a strange place with my loss.

My first Mother's Day after losing Sophia and Ellie was just 2 or 3 weeks later. I was still numb, still so tired. Last year I was pregnant with Gigi and we had just "celebrated" the girls' first birthday. This year was just...I don't know, just strange. I guess I'm still learning to live with it all, but I wish it would stop changing. Just when i think I have things semi-figured out, something changes. I'm not sure what, but something. I guess grief is forever evolving. Hmmm...that wasn't in the handbook.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

mother’s day giveaway

I hope you all have a wonderfully peaceful day.  I know for some of you this will be the first year without your sweet baby, for others it will be yet another without a baby in your arms, and for some it will be the first year with your rainbows.  Where ever you are in this journey, I hope your day is filled with love, beauty, and sweet reminders of all your children.

I have had one of these little blanks for sometime now. 


I have been waiting for an opportunity to use it, but just haven't found it yet.  I don’t like to make things unless they are for someone, I feel it is just wasteful to stamp some random name on something (especially with the price of silver right now!) and really, I have so many pieces for myself that I just don’t need another one to throw in the rotation!  So that brings me here…to you.  I am giving away one of these angel wing pendants personalized with your baby’s(ies) name.  I will also add birthstones or crystals if you wish.  To enter, leave a comment here telling me what you would like on the wing if you were to win.  I will be randomly choosing a winner early next week (hopefully!)  And if you would like to take a look to see what else is in my shop here is the link:

Wishing you all peace and comfort today and always.  I will be loving on all of my children this weekend: Brady, Emma, Sophia, Ellie, and Gigi.  xoxox

Monday, April 25, 2011

two years

Two years ago today, my world was turned upside down. My heart was ripped from my chest as I sat in the hospital bed in disbelief. I remember shaking my head from side to side all day long as I tried to make sense of what had happened. All while tears streamed down my face and the two most beautiful babies were lying there in their isolette.

At that point in time I was too broken to realize the beauty these two amazing girls would bring to my life. Because of them, I am better. I am a better person, still far from perfect, but better indeed. I am forever grateful for being able to hold them in my arms and kissing their sweet, perfect faces.

I miss them today and everyday and I love them with all my heart.

Dear Sophia & Ellie,

Happy second birthday sweet girls! Thank you for bringing such beauty into my life. You two are a precious gift that I will forever be thankful for. I wish we had more time together. I wish you were both here to celebrate your birthdays and everyday. I wish I could see you growing. Always know that I love you both with all my heart and you are always in my thoughts. You have made be a better person; a better mother, and for that I will always be grateful.

I love you!!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

where have i been?

Its been so long…I don’t even know how 2 months have passed and I haven’t written here once.  I have thought of it, I have had it on my to do list, I have had good intentions…but it just hasn’t happened.  I have so much going on right now that as I type this I am thinking of the million other things I should be doing.  I just want it all to go away so I can stop and just be.  Friday was 22 months…how is that even possible, almost two years without Sophia & Ellie.  I wasn’t able to go to the cemetery because of all this other stuff on my plate.  I hate it when I cant’ make it out there, but I will go soon.  I feel like I don’t even have time to grieve, to be sad, to just think about my girls.  I keep telling myself that everything will settle down, but I’m just not convinced yet. 

Here is what’s going on…We have sold our house (finally!) and escrow closes on March 10th.  The new house we have purchased doesn’t close until March 31st…so we have a few weeks where we will be living with my parents…fun times!  So I have this whole house to pack up, I just started yesterday (thank you mother!)  I have been keeping very busy with my etsy shop and I am so happy about that, but I worry that because of my lack of time I am not getting orders out as quickly as normal and I don’t want to upset my customers.  Work is a huge source of my problem…I know I’m not doing as good of a job as I could be if I were working part time.  I told the powers that be this would happen when they decided to not let me job share.  I keep telling myself that I’m doing the best I can, I truly I am…I just know its not my best.  I can’t imagine having to work full time again next year, I really need to find something part time…I REALLY NEED TO!  I am so far behind on just daily things, cooking (haven’t done that in a very long time), cleaning, balancing my checkbook…all those fun things.  I hate to take the time out of my days at home to do these things because I try to spend every second I can with Gigi (and Brady & Emma too!)  All of this (and other things) are keeping my head spinning.  I think about my girls everyday, but I don’t feel like I really have time to think about them.

We have signed up to do the March for Babies in memory of Sophia and Ellie.  If you are a fb friend you may have seen my contest.  I am doing another one here, only for blm’s.  Here is the deal…If you would like to make a donation to our team, for every $5 you contribute, you will be entered to win a $40 gift certificate to my etsy shop.  If you would like to donate and enter to win, you can click the “Donate Now” button on the March for Babies badge up on the left.  Now I know some of you donated already (THANK YOU VERY MUCH) and if you are wondering why it says $0 raised so far, it is because I had linked the first contest to the team page instead of my personal page.  It all goes to the same place in the end, but the funds are kept separate.  I will keep the contest open until March 15th when I randomly choose a winner.

So there you have it…my life in a nutshell!  I have been trying to keep up with everyone's  blogs , but I just haven't had time to even get on the computer lately.  June isn’t too far away…I can’t wait to have my life back!!!!