Monday, July 12, 2010

neighbors

I was driving home yesterday and as I turned onto our street I noticed  a lot of cars at our neighbors’ house.  As I got closer, I saw some balloons tied to the pillars out front.  Then I saw it, the “Happy 1st Birthday” sign on the front door.  Our next door neighbors’ were having a first birthday party for their twins.  And it hit me…that should be us right now.  WE should be having that party.  I lost it for a moment because it all still hurts so badly to know they are not here with us, they will never have a real birthday party, I wont get to see them take their first steps, go to their first day of school, all those milestones you enjoy as parents. 

I still miss my girls so much.  I will admit that I am so busy these days that I don’t have a lot of time to let my mind go to the “what ifs” and “should have beens” and I guess that is a good thing.  But sometimes the empty feeling still creeps in just from knowing they are gone.

I have so much to write, but no time to do it.  I will try to get my thoughts down soon because I need to get them out of my head.  I am checking your blogs when I can.  I don’t always leave a comment, especially when I am reading from my phone, but I am still here and still thinking of all of you and your sweet babies.

11 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you had to see that. First birthdays upset me too. I guess every birthday they should be will be hard. Thinking of your sweet girl <3

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  2. Thinking of you, too, honey. Would love to see more photos if you feel like sharing - such a beauty. ((Hugs))

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  3. It always seems like the everyday small things are the ones you are missing. So sorry.

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  4. I can relate to the busyness and not thinking so much of the what ifs and all that. I'm sure that stung to see the birthday party going on.

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  5. Ella should be having her first birthday this week, too. I've had a lot to blog about, but have been busy too (in a good way, thank goodness). Thinking of you and all of your girls. xo

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  6. I don't think the first ever get any easier. So sorry your heart is hurting. Know that we honor Sophia and Ellie always. Praying for you always.

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  7. Wow. That had to be hard to see. I can't believe that sometimes time is flying by so fast. The milestones that could have happened keep flying by without them.

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  8. I can totally relate and it hurts. It really hurts.
    Hugs...

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  9. I know how it hurts to see things like that. Just seeing little girls about their age really stings. I guess to some extent it always will. Thinking of you and your girls.

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