Thursday, July 22, 2010


Since we brought Gigi home I’ve been scared. Scared that something is going to happen to her. I’m not usually a paranoid person, but now I can feel it creeping in at times. I have thoughts several times throughout the day of something happening to her. Just random things, accidents, like her head being bumped on the pointy corner of the cabinet in our foyer. Or me tripping and dropping her. These aren’t visions or thoughts of me wanting to hurt her, I want to make that very clear. These are just random thoughts as I am going throughout my day of something bad happening. I am not lacking confidence of mothering an infant (a teenager on the other hand is something I would need to write a whole other post on!) I’m just afraid of her getting hurt, or even worse, of losing another baby. I am going to assume this may be normal for people like us whose lives have taken such unexpected turns with our children in the past. At least that is what I am telling myself…

And here she is at 2 weeks:

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  1. To a degree, I have this same fear with everything and everyone around me now. Sometimes as I am driving down the road I wonder what would transpire if another car crossed the line and hit me. I am scared to death of my hubby not coming home from work some night (he is a police officer). I am already thinking about this baby and things similar to what you are thinking. I recently read a blog written by a mother of a little one who suffocated at 8 days old between the back of the couch and her sleeping father...and I think about how easy it is for things like that to happen. So, I think it's just normal for us to be extra paranoid. So glad that Gigi is doing well...she is such a cutie!!!

  2. I'm not there yet, but I'm sure that those thoughts are completely normal. I hope it gets much better for you soon.

    She's beautiful.


  3. Ever since our son passed away at birth I am more paranoid than ever about the safety of my children. I am always scared when they aren't with me. I worry they will get hurt, or worse...

    I know I will be just as nervous when this little girl of ours is born in 3 weeks. Because of our losses, I don't think the nervousness and worry will ever go totally away.

    Gigi is just beautiful!

  4. Ohmygosh, Tina, I am the exact same way. I am so nervous. I am always trying to look ahead to see what sort of accident we could get in or what will happen to her.
    It's so frustrating, but I think it's so normal.
    Gigi is beautiful. I'm so glad she's here.
    Love to you :)

  5. I'm the same way. I've even gotten so bad that I just don't put Seth down for fear that he'll stop breathing and die. I bought a movement sensor/monitor (angelcare) that beeps if no movement is detected after 15 seconds (it even detects breathing) to help give me some reassurance. But I CONSTANTLY worry. You're not alone at all.

    Congrats on your sweet little girl. She is adorable!

  6. Love the photos, she is beautiful. I am sure it's normal. Relax and enjoy your blessing from God.

  7. She is so stinking gorgeous! If it makes you feel better, I had an awful dream that I dropped Nora down the garbage disposal. Hang in there. I think our thoughts are normal for all we've been through. xo

  8. Gigi is beautiful. Congratulations on the birth of your gorgeous daughter.

    I also have those thoughts. It helps to know that other's think the same.

  9. I definitely think that is normal! I think over time it will lessen.

    And she is SOO beautiful!

  10. She is adorable !! I just wanted to let you know that everything your feeling... I have been there.... It's because the loss of our babies made us this way.. we were terrified thoughout our whole pregnancy with our rainbow baby.. during delivery & for some like me .. when our baby wasn't able to come home with us & had to stay in the NICU after birth. Aubrey is 2 1/2 & I still only let her spend the might with my mom 1 night at a time & have my mom send me mulitple pictures throughout the day so I know my baby is ok. It's scary to think something coulod happen to our children because we have already buried 1 or more of them & that was the worst thing we ever had to do... Keep your head up cause Gigi is going to grow up & be a wonderful little girl ... If's she's anything like Aubrey you will have your hands FULL because she will have Ellie & Sophia's sprits in her .. and that is such a wonderful feeling ...

  11. Gigi is sooo CUTE!

    I know that after our loss those fears grew stronger with everyone close to me. I often have to check and make sure my hubby is breathing while he sleeps and then thoughts swirl in my head as to what I would do without him.

  12. I have these thoughts! It scares me to think of something happening.

    And Gigi is just adorable!!

  13. Tina,

    I am so sorry for the loss of your twins. I know it has to make it easier to be scared. I just found your blog, so trying to read through it some. Gigi is beautiful and it helps to see a healthy baby after losing twins. Thank you for sharing.

  14. The pictures of Gigi are adorable. She's perfect!

    I often wonder if I will have that same fear if I get to bring a baby home. I'm pretty sure I will. Frankly, at times that feeling creeps in about any of my loved ones...hubby, parents, etc. I think it's probably normal under the circumstances we've all been through. Here's hoping you find some peace with it all.


  15. I am the same way, I woke Brooklyn up the other night bc she had been sleeping for so long and I couldnt tell if she was breathing.

  16. Thank you so much for your comment! It is so nice to hear a real life story about someone with borderline APS. Did your numbers ever increase? My first test was a 15 and then the last was a 7. So very low. I think I'll be on Lovenox too - I guess I thought it was a low dose heparin. But I guess they are two different options. :) Anyways, your daughter is beautiful. I had the same fear with my daughter when I brought her home and that was before losing Oliver. I can't imagine the fear with the next one.

  17. Tina, she is just gorgeous! I just commented on the glow blog about being hypervigilant about my son's safety. I think it's probably a normal thing, after such a terrible loss, and living the reality that we can't control everything that happens in the world.