I was driving home yesterday and as I turned onto our street I noticed a lot of cars at our neighbors’ house. As I got closer, I saw some balloons tied to the pillars out front. Then I saw it, the “Happy 1st Birthday” sign on the front door. Our next door neighbors’ were having a first birthday party for their twins. And it hit me…that should be us right now. WE should be having that party. I lost it for a moment because it all still hurts so badly to know they are not here with us, they will never have a real birthday party, I wont get to see them take their first steps, go to their first day of school, all those milestones you enjoy as parents.
I still miss my girls so much. I will admit that I am so busy these days that I don’t have a lot of time to let my mind go to the “what ifs” and “should have beens” and I guess that is a good thing. But sometimes the empty feeling still creeps in just from knowing they are gone.
I have so much to write, but no time to do it. I will try to get my thoughts down soon because I need to get them out of my head. I am checking your blogs when I can. I don’t always leave a comment, especially when I am reading from my phone, but I am still here and still thinking of all of you and your sweet babies.