I will miss you 2009

I really thought I was ready to say good-bye to 2009. But as I sit here on the last day of this emotional year, I realize I am not. I feel like if I say goodbye to the year where my girls existed I will be saying goodbye to a part of them. I am grasping at anything I can to hold on to them, but what I want so badly is them. Both of my girls, in my arms, safe, and healthy. So although 2009 was very heartbreaking to me, I am choosing (trying to at least) to focus on the parts I loved.


I loved finding our I was pregnant (although this was actually on December 27, 2008.)

I loved that my parents were excited about having another baby around (I know this sounds ridiculous for someone my age, but my parents watched Emma when I worked and she started kindergarten this year so they were finally free!! However, when my dad found out he said, "Oh good, I was thinking it was going to be so lonely without Emma around, but I hated to ask you to have another baby just for me!")

I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED finding out we were having TWINS!!! That was the most amazing experience of my life I think!

I loved seeing my babies every time I went to the doctor!

I loved answering the question, "Is this your first baby?" (Now I don't like it so much!)

I loved discussing (aka arguing about) names for our new additions...we are terrible about choosing names and now we had to choose names for two babies!

I loved meeting, holding and kissing my beautiful girls...this was the saddest day of my life, but I still loved meeting my twins.

I loved all of the pictures and reminders I received of Sophia & Ellie including their names in the sand, on flowers, on leaves, on jewelry, on ornaments, etc.

I loved making the very special virtual friends I have made here and learning about how special one IRL friend truly is to me...you know who you are L!!

And today, the last day of 2009, I loved finding out that I am carrying Sophia's & Ellie's baby sister.

Hoping 2010 is full of things I love!!!