I will miss you 2009

I really thought I was ready to say good-bye to 2009. But as I sit here on the last day of this emotional year, I realize I am not. I feel like if I say goodbye to the year where my girls existed I will be saying goodbye to a part of them. I am grasping at anything I can to hold on to them, but what I want so badly is them. Both of my girls, in my arms, safe, and healthy. So although 2009 was very heartbreaking to me, I am choosing (trying to at least) to focus on the parts I loved.


I loved finding our I was pregnant (although this was actually on December 27, 2008.)

I loved that my parents were excited about having another baby around (I know this sounds ridiculous for someone my age, but my parents watched Emma when I worked and she started kindergarten this year so they were finally free!! However, when my dad found out he said, "Oh good, I was thinking it was going to be so lonely without Emma around, but I hated to ask you to have another baby just for me!")

I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED finding out we were having TWINS!!! That was the most amazing experience of my life I think!

I loved seeing my babies every time I went to the doctor!

I loved answering the question, "Is this your first baby?" (Now I don't like it so much!)

I loved discussing (aka arguing about) names for our new additions...we are terrible about choosing names and now we had to choose names for two babies!

I loved meeting, holding and kissing my beautiful girls...this was the saddest day of my life, but I still loved meeting my twins.

I loved all of the pictures and reminders I received of Sophia & Ellie including their names in the sand, on flowers, on leaves, on jewelry, on ornaments, etc.

I loved making the very special virtual friends I have made here and learning about how special one IRL friend truly is to me...you know who you are L!!

And today, the last day of 2009, I loved finding out that I am carrying Sophia's & Ellie's baby sister.

Hoping 2010 is full of things I love!!!

An update and A WINNER!!!!!

Okay, so I sat down to write about my holidays the other day and I had so much to say that the post got REALLY long, so I decided to divide it up and just post a little bit here along with the winner of the last giveaway...I know that's what you are really here for anyway!! ;)

So the holidays were difficult, I don't need to tell all of you that. Something was definitely missing from my heart. It is kind of funny (not ha ha funny, but peculiar funny) that even though these two little girls were never physically here on a previous holiday, their absence can still be felt so much. However, some people IRL were very thoughtful and remembered my girls in some way and I thought I would start by sharing that.

As I mentioned before, we bought a little white Christmas Tree for Sophia & Ellie, well actually my parents bought it for them. We decorated it in all pink; pink bows, pink sparkly foliage, etc. My mom bought two sweet, white, puffy angel ornaments that we hung on the tree and she also bought silver and rhinestone initial ornaments for both the girls. These were so heavy so I just laid them at the base of the tree. I also bought some ornaments for the girls. There are the two sleeping babies wrapped in wings and also a silver mother with he saying "A mother holds her children's hands for a while, their hearts forever" printed on it. I thought this message was perfect for how I feel.

My IRL friend "L" surprised me with a little something. She took four white glass ornaments and wrote each of my children's names on one of the ornaments. What a lovely gift from a lovely friend. They are so special to me and I love seeing all four of them hang together on my tree.

My sil also surprised me with a gift. She gave me two Lenox angel ornaments that each have Sophia's & Ellie's names printed on them. They are very precious and it was such a thoughtful thing for her to do.

I wanted to find a stocking for Sophia & Ellie to hang from the mantel with the rest of ours. I had a really difficult time with this because nothing was just right. I finally settled on a light pink stocking with a tiara pinned on it. I asked my other sil, who is a wonderful seamstress, if she would embroider the girls' names on it for me. She did and it is beautiful. Even though it is not what I had envisioned, it is perfect.

Then on Christmas Day, my aunt & uncle (my mom's sister & husband) surprised me with a special gift too. They live a few hours away and apparently there is a 93 year old woman who makes ornaments by hand in their town. They gave me 2 special angels that this lady made. I was truly touched by their thoughtfulness. I don't see them very often and to know they thought of my girls brought tears to my eyes (and down my cheeks.)

I know this sounds self-centered, but I am surprised that a few of my other friends/family didn't mention my girls at all. A little message to say they are thinking about all of us would have been much appreciated. I know it is a busy time of year, and it is so easy to get caught up in all that is going on, but I don't know...it would have been nice. I guess I am expecting too much and should just be thankful for what these wonderful people did for my girls. I hope people expressed their thoughts of your babies to you too during this holiday season.

NOW FOR THE WINNER...

Using random.org, the winner is commenter #8...MB at Three Pairs of Feet!! Congratulations MB!!! Contact me at hutchtina@bak.rr.com and we will get it all worked out!

Thank you all so much for participating in the giveaways. I think it was a great way to bring a smile to our faces. I hope we can do it again next Christmas!!

25 Days of Giveaways...Day 29, final day!!!

Let me start by saying Merry Christmas to you all! Getting through the past couple days has been very difficult for me. I think our Christmas Eve Dinner had a few tears in it. Its just so hard for me not to imagine how things should be so, but I will get into all of that in another post. Today (Christmas Day) is 8 months since Sophia & Ellie left us. It is hard to believe that if they could have survived they would be that old already! What a fun age and a fun time of year, if only they would have survived...

Note: The following has nothing to do with my giveaway!!

Right after Thanksgiving we had our annual family pictures taken. This was hard for me too because it was not what I had pictured for our Christmas cards this year. I imagined Hutch & myself each holding a baby with Brady & Emma standing in between us. The photographer, "R", who is a friend of a friend, surprised me with a picture of two leaves floating in water. As soon as I saw it I knew it had to be included in our Christmas card. I had "R" photo.shop in the girls' names and a little message onto the photo. I was so touched that she thought of doing this for me, for my girls. Sarah also did a flower with all of our names on it...I too love it and had to include it as well. So, since I do not have all of your physical addresses here are pictures of our family's Christmas Card. The top photo is the cover of the card and the second photo is the top & bottom inside of the card. Take a look and know that I am wishing you all the best for this Christmas and a very Happy New Year...we definitely all deserve it!

And now what you all really came here for...The Last Giveaway!!!! I am not offering anything new, I have not had time to be creative and come up with a whole new project. So, I am offering a piece of jewelry from my etsy shop again. I have a few pictures posted here, but again, I am willing to work with you to make the perfect piece that fits your needs. So to enter, leave me a comment and tell me something about your Christmas...how it was for you, anything special you did, what you thought of the giveaways, anything you want to tell us. I will be leaving this giveaway open for a few days...I know it is a busy time and everyone might not be reading today, so I will randomly choose a winner in a couple days. Thanks again everyone for making our days a little brighter!

Love to you all and especially to my sweet little girls. xo

25 Days of Giveaways!!!

Today is the last day of the 25...I mean 29 Days of Giveaways. I want to thank you all so much for participting in the giveaways; all of you who hosted, who entered, and even those who just told me what a great idea it was. You all have helped to make my crazy idea very successful. Doing this has really occupied my time and thoughts...so much so that I have not had time to post anything that is going on in my little corner of the world, so be ready for another long post when Christmas is over and packed away!! Thank you to all and today, Day 29 - is being hosted again by me, so find my giveaway post and leave me a comment...it is your last chance to win!!

NOTE: These giveaways are open to all baby lost mamas. If you didn't sign up to host a giveaway we still want you to participate and try to win some of these GREAT items. We want to spread happiness to everyone, not just those who are hosting a day! xo

Day 28 - April and Kyle at Our Broken Hearts are giving away todays items...go take a peek and leave thm a comment!! Day 27 - Today Karen at Gott Joy! is hosting our giveaway. Go leave her a comment and enter to win!! Day 26 - I know it is "25 Days of Giveaways" but more days equals more joy...right?? Anyway go on over to Holly's blog today @ Caring for Carleigh and see what awesome item she is giving away. Day 25 - Take a peek at Katy's blog at In Hannah's Honor and see what great item she is giving away today. Day 24 - Today is Lauren's turn at Lauren's Blog to host a very special giveaway. Stop by and pay her a visit!!Day 23 - Let's all stop by Ashley's blog at Maxton David Standifer to see what lovely item she is offering today!Day 22 - Stop by Once a Mother to see what wonderful thing she is giving away today!!Day 21 - Today we go back to Tina's blog at Living Without Sophia and Ellie. Her dear IRL friend is giving away today's item via her blog.Day 20 - Stop by and visit Mackenzie's Mommy at Missing Mackenzie and enter her giveaway today!!Day 19 - It is Susan's turn at Our Lives Forever Changed to host the giveaway today. Go check out her super sweet item!!Day 18 - Go check out Amanda's blog at What's Cooking...or Not! and see what she is giving away!!Day 17 - Let's go pay Rachel a visit at Three Butterflies and a Monkey to see what great thing she is giving away today!!!Day 16 - Hop on over and see what Christy is giving away at A Piece of the Pearsons!!Day 15 - Now it is Danielle's turn at Letting Go and Letting God to giveaway another GREAT item!!Day 14 - Take a peek at what Lindsay is giving away today in La La Land!!Day 13 - Today lets visit Jessica at Momma of Two Angels to see what she has to offer!!Day 12 - Go pay Angie at Still Life with Circles a visit to see what terrific item she is giving away today!!Day 11 - Stop by and leave Mallory at Mommy of an Angel a comment to enter in her great giveaway!!Day 10 - Today it is TracyOC's turn at Mommicked to giveaway another fabulous item!!Day 9 - To enter in today's giveaway go visit Brandy @ Forever Elliot's Mommy.Day 8 - Lets go pay Jill a visit at Footprints on our Hearts to see what she is giving away!!Day 7 - Take a peek at Franchesca at Handprints form Heaven and see what she is giving away!! Day 6- Let's head back to the USA and visit Donna at Life Without Ellie to see what she has to brighten our day!!!Day 5 - Hop on over and see Sarah at Oh, The Possibilities! She has something special to give!!Day 4 - Stop by Lea's blog at Nicholas' Touch and see what special item she is giving away!Day 3 - Go visit Karen at Busy Hands to see what she is giving away!Day 2 - To enter in today's giveaway visit Jeanette at Lazy Seamstress.Day 1 - To enter in today's giveaway visit Tina at Living Without Sophia & Ellie.

I was so close!!!

Oh my goodness...I was so close!!! I went to random.org, entered the beginning number as 1 and ending number as 22 (my comment was #22) and the result was 21!!!!! So that means that Once a Mother (who happens to be hosting today's giveaway) is the very lucky winner. Please e-mail me your information at hutchtina@bak.rr.com and I will get this very special package off to you very soon. Thank you all for participating, I enjoyed reading your comments.

Just a few days to go until the giveaways are over!!

25 Days of Giveaways...Day 21!!!

My dear IRL friend "L" who stumbled across my blog several weeks ago wanted to be involved in our giveaways. After finding my blog, "L" sent me a message right away telling me how happy she was that I have this space to share my feelings with people who understand my pain. As you can imagine (and I wrote about here) I was a little surprised and scared. I feel that if too many people (or the wrong the people) find out about this space that I will not be free to write what I feel...I will be guarded and that is not what I want. But, I know "L" would never betray my trust. She has been open and honest with me about her feelings, what she has read, and what she thinks and how she feels about my girls. I completely trust her and have given her permission to read my posts.

When "L" read about the giveaways, she said she wanted to "host" one too. So today's giveaway is from my dear friend "L" via my blog. This item that she has made for one of us is lovely. I know she has put a lot of thought and love into it. It is a small vintage basket that she stumbled upon in an antique shop I believe. She has embellished it with a beautiful glittery bird, some lovely ribbon, and even some stuff (I don't know what it is called, it is what doilies are made of) that her grandmother made. It is gorgeous. I think it would be the perfect place to store photos of your baby(ies), but it can be used for a number of things. Here are some pictures, but they definitely do not do it justice.














So to enter today's giveaway, leave me a comment and tell me about someway your IRL friends have surprised you...if you want to, or just leave your info!! And just so we are clear on this...I will be leaving a comment because I would LOVE to win this from my very special friend! I will randomly choose a winner sometime tomorrow...Good Luck!!