13 months

Today is 13 months.  I wonder if the 25th of every month will ever have a different meaning for me.  If I will ever wake up on this day of the month and not think about how long Sophia & Ellie have been gone.  I think I know the answer to this and really I am okay because it has become somewhat of a ritual for me and another day for me to always remember my daughters.

Having passed the 1 year mark, I do feel better.  I feel as if a weight has been lifted from me.  I am still sad, it still hurts, I still cry.  I don’t think those things will ever stop happening, but maybe acceptance has started to settle in.  Then there are those moments when I start thinking of what should have been.  Or when I see a baby (or twins) that would be around their same age.  It is really hard not to let those thoughts take over, but I guess that is part of the grief we live with.

Things have been very busy around here.  Emma’s 6th birthday was last Friday, her party was Saturday, lots of end of the school year activities going on, doctor’s appointments,  and now we are just waiting for Baby G to arrive.  Still are unsure of a name, but your input has really helped!  Two of my dear girlfriends threw a surprise baby shower for me…it was a HUGE SURPRISE!!  They knew I didn’t want a shower, but it was so nice.  Very small with just close family and friends and really perfect in every way…except someone could have told me to dress a little nicer!!  So that got the ball rolling for me to start getting things ready for the baby.  I’m not quite all the way there yet, but it will happen and for now we just wait.  Really hoping it happens soon though…keeping my fingers crossed, there is a full moon Thursday!!