Tuesday, May 25, 2010

13 months

Today is 13 months.  I wonder if the 25th of every month will ever have a different meaning for me.  If I will ever wake up on this day of the month and not think about how long Sophia & Ellie have been gone.  I think I know the answer to this and really I am okay because it has become somewhat of a ritual for me and another day for me to always remember my daughters.

Having passed the 1 year mark, I do feel better.  I feel as if a weight has been lifted from me.  I am still sad, it still hurts, I still cry.  I don’t think those things will ever stop happening, but maybe acceptance has started to settle in.  Then there are those moments when I start thinking of what should have been.  Or when I see a baby (or twins) that would be around their same age.  It is really hard not to let those thoughts take over, but I guess that is part of the grief we live with.

Things have been very busy around here.  Emma’s 6th birthday was last Friday, her party was Saturday, lots of end of the school year activities going on, doctor’s appointments,  and now we are just waiting for Baby G to arrive.  Still are unsure of a name, but your input has really helped!  Two of my dear girlfriends threw a surprise baby shower for me…it was a HUGE SURPRISE!!  They knew I didn’t want a shower, but it was so nice.  Very small with just close family and friends and really perfect in every way…except someone could have told me to dress a little nicer!!  So that got the ball rolling for me to start getting things ready for the baby.  I’m not quite all the way there yet, but it will happen and for now we just wait.  Really hoping it happens soon though…keeping my fingers crossed, there is a full moon Thursday!!


  1. I feel better too since passing a year. It just feels like a big milestone achieved and I can move forward better.

    I'm sure life is busy with school coming to an end and the arrival of baby girl approaching.

  2. I totally understand the feeling of "that day" each month - it's usually the first thing that enters my head when I wake up.

    I'm so excited for you as you get closer! Man, you're almost there!! :) HOORAY!

  3. Hi Tina,
    I am glad after the year it gets a little easier. This gives me hope for a better tomorrow. Praying for you as you get closer. Hugs from super muggy and hot Chicago.

  4. Yeah I am glad that you had a shower! I felt like there was a weight lifted after 1 year too... Missing Sophia and Ellie with you. They are having a great time with Kasey I am sure! HOLY cow looked at your ticker 16 days... this is all so very surreal... Been thinking of you and think anything happening with her, is she still pregnant? I know how annoying it is, but I still do it :) I think your birthday is this weekend... I think, if so happy early birthday!! Hope your weekend has a new little girl that comes along with it :)

  5. I just wanted to say (HUGS) I have been thinking of you...hang in there!

  6. I lost my twin sons, Simon and Alexander last Spring...on April 22nd and on May 28th...tomorrow...

    I just wanted to tell you that your post really touched me...and I'm thinking of you.

  7. Tina that is so great that you feel better. Hope that your days continue to get better.