October 15th and random things

Where to begin…

First of all, I did get my page done in Angie’s Travelling Journal, but just didn’t get around to posting a picture until now.

This was so hard for me because all the other women had included a beautiful painting, or creative scrapbook page…I don’t paint and scrapbooking takes too much time. But I do know how to stamp jewelry, so that is what I decided to stick with even though it may be unconventional. The words on the larger silver disc and the negative feelings that come to mind when I think of the events surrounding my girls’ deaths. On the gold inner disc are the positive things I feel when I think of my beautiful babies. The capital letters on the outer disc spell SOPHIA and ELLIE. So this is my creation for the journal…no one will ever wear it but it is my expression of feelings through art.

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When I was pregnant with Gigi, I worried about her living in Sophia’s & Ellie’s shadow. I thought I may have negative feelings about her being here and them not. I thought it may be hard to love her without thinking of them. Since having Gigi, I have not experienced any of these things. Yes, as I was giving birth I cried because I was thinking of giving birth to Sophia & Ellie and how sad that was, but I also cried because I was welcoming our new one into the word. Yes, after bringing her home I looked at their pictures and tried to compare her to them to see if they look alike. Yes, when Gigi was having a hard time nursing I wondered how in the world I could have handled TWO babies. But my love for them and my love for her are two distinct things. I love all three of them, just like I love the two that came before them.

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Yesterday…the 15th. It in a way angers me that the whole month of October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, yet no one seems to know. Even people in real life who have lost babies don’t know about it, even the cemetery that has a whole section dedicated to babies doesn't’ seem to know. We share this month with Breast Cancer Awareness, but I think we definitely get overshadowed. And really…who on this planet isn’t aware of breast cancer? I wish more was done to raise awareness of pregnancy and infant loss and I guess it is up to us to do that. And…I think we (all of us) have done a great job doing this. Every time I check fb, someone has posted something about the topic and I think it is a great way to get the word out there to all who do not know about the pain this type of loss causes so many people every day.

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Last night we went to the cemetery. Along with my wonderful helpers, I put a candle on most (I sadly ran out) of the headstones. We lit the candles and let them burn for an hour, I wanted to let them burn all night, but was afraid of catching the cemetery on fire…not a good thing! So as I fed Gigi in the car, my helpers sadly went through and blew out all the candles, all but Sophia’s and Ellie’s. As we lit the candles I thought of all your babies. I don’t know any of the babies in this cemetery but mine, and I was lighting those candles for them too, but I was thinking of all of you and your babies and thankful that I have found each and everyone of you because you have all touched me in some way.

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The amazing Debby at For Your Tears is doing a giveaway in honor of October 15th. She is offering a gift certificate to my etsy shop. Go on over and leave her a comment to enter to win. There is also a special discount code you can get there if you want to place an order this weekend. But hurry because I don’t know when she is choosing a winner!!

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Missing you always sweet ones. xoxo, Mommy