Through this journey I have sometimes wondered if I have lost a piece of my sanity. Well, actually I am certain that I have, but I am hoping that it is normal!
A few days after losing Sophia & Ellie I received a message from my OB's office. As I sat on hold waiting to be connected to the person whom called I thought maybe she was calling to tell me there had been a mistake and my babies hadn't died. I really hoped this was what she was calling for. Then I cam back to reality when she came on the line and told me my iron was low and I needed to take a supplement. I would have much rather heard what I wanted to hear.
This baby that I am now carrying is SOOOOOO active. I felt her moving very early on and she is constantly doing something to get my attention. I like to think that her and her sisters are working together to let me know she is okay. However, the other day she was moving so much that I thought there has to be two babies in there! Let me remind you that I have had no less than half a dozen ultrasounds (and every time I wonder if they will find another baby) and every time there is only one. I don't know why I think about this, or obsess about it you may say. Another set of twins will not replace the ones I lost, just like this singleton will not replace Sophia & Ellie either, but...I still think about it. After my very detailed 20 week scan where there is NO POSSIBLE WAY they could have missed a second baby I still had this thought...maybe there are two. I know there isn't but you see, that is why I think I have lost a piece of my sanity. I hope I am not alone here with these irrational thoughts!! I always come back to reality quickly, but once in a while my mind still goes there. I guess it is all a part of losing such loved ones.
4 hours ago