Sunday, February 27, 2011

where have i been?

Its been so long…I don’t even know how 2 months have passed and I haven’t written here once.  I have thought of it, I have had it on my to do list, I have had good intentions…but it just hasn’t happened.  I have so much going on right now that as I type this I am thinking of the million other things I should be doing.  I just want it all to go away so I can stop and just be.  Friday was 22 months…how is that even possible, almost two years without Sophia & Ellie.  I wasn’t able to go to the cemetery because of all this other stuff on my plate.  I hate it when I cant’ make it out there, but I will go soon.  I feel like I don’t even have time to grieve, to be sad, to just think about my girls.  I keep telling myself that everything will settle down, but I’m just not convinced yet. 

Here is what’s going on…We have sold our house (finally!) and escrow closes on March 10th.  The new house we have purchased doesn’t close until March 31st…so we have a few weeks where we will be living with my parents…fun times!  So I have this whole house to pack up, I just started yesterday (thank you mother!)  I have been keeping very busy with my etsy shop and I am so happy about that, but I worry that because of my lack of time I am not getting orders out as quickly as normal and I don’t want to upset my customers.  Work is a huge source of my problem…I know I’m not doing as good of a job as I could be if I were working part time.  I told the powers that be this would happen when they decided to not let me job share.  I keep telling myself that I’m doing the best I can, I truly I am…I just know its not my best.  I can’t imagine having to work full time again next year, I really need to find something part time…I REALLY NEED TO!  I am so far behind on just daily things, cooking (haven’t done that in a very long time), cleaning, balancing my checkbook…all those fun things.  I hate to take the time out of my days at home to do these things because I try to spend every second I can with Gigi (and Brady & Emma too!)  All of this (and other things) are keeping my head spinning.  I think about my girls everyday, but I don’t feel like I really have time to think about them.

We have signed up to do the March for Babies in memory of Sophia and Ellie.  If you are a fb friend you may have seen my contest.  I am doing another one here, only for blm’s.  Here is the deal…If you would like to make a donation to our team, for every $5 you contribute, you will be entered to win a $40 gift certificate to my etsy shop.  If you would like to donate and enter to win, you can click the “Donate Now” button on the March for Babies badge up on the left.  Now I know some of you donated already (THANK YOU VERY MUCH) and if you are wondering why it says $0 raised so far, it is because I had linked the first contest to the team page instead of my personal page.  It all goes to the same place in the end, but the funds are kept separate.  I will keep the contest open until March 15th when I randomly choose a winner.

So there you have it…my life in a nutshell!  I have been trying to keep up with everyone's  blogs , but I just haven't had time to even get on the computer lately.  June isn’t too far away…I can’t wait to have my life back!!!!


  1. I understand your frustrations. We each do the best that we can do, but some days it just doesn't feel like enough. Many days I feel like I have done my best, but know that that I have not lived up to my capabilities, and it can be quite frustrating.

    Congrats on changing houses, my condolences on having to shack up with the parents. Our house was hit by a car last week. Yep...hit by a car. We have substantial foundation damage and the house actually moved across the foundation about 2". The insurance company is still trying to figure out whether or not it is repairable. Regardless of whether we repair or raze and rebuild, we will be ousted for a few months...which likely means that we will also be shacking up with one set of parents. Not really looking forward to it.

  2. You've got so much going on, it's totally understandable!

  3. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate girl!
    Good luck with the move/s.
    22 months-time is so strange.
    Praying for you...

  4. Hi Tina, You are in my thoughts and prayers. I stumbled upon your blog while trying to find someone who has been in my situation. My husband and I lost our identical twin sons on November 20, 2010 due to twin to twin transfusion. We were devastated and are now trying to figure out how to move forward after just 3 months. I pray that the days get easier for you. I never thought I would have to bury my children and I pray we never go through this again. You have such an ispirational story and your girls are beautiful. Betsy

  5. Nice to have you back! I can't wait for summer, too. Good luck with your move! Thanks for the comment--I will be over to order somethingi soon!

  6. I missed your little contest. Sorry! I'm very behind on reading. Just like you, things have been busy and I haven't had the time like I used to. It's crazy to think 2 years...